Shake, rattle & roll

Middle of the night peeing is inevitable while pregnant.  I did not realize said peeing would wake up bambina at crazy hours of the night.  I've been attempting stealthy pee ops (in the dark) to avoid her 2 am party sessions.

Last night I forgot.

'Ol girl partied so hard, she gave herself hiccups twice today already: 3am and 7am. Lol.  I am tired, but chuckle thinking of her cute lil butt hiccing away in there.  I keep wondering how she can kick me in 3 places at once... very intrigued to watch her as a newborn and check out her little ninja moves!

Week 28 bumpdate

Its the **~*THIRD TRIMESTER!!!!*~**

How Far Along: 28 weeks, baby!

Size of baby:  Almost 15 inches and just over 2 pounds.  In veggies: a cauliflower!

Weight change: + 26

Maternity Clothes:   I've been living in sweat pants & everything stretchy.  My 'long' shirts that I thought would work forever are becoming too short!

Movement: getting karate chopped all the time now!  Baby likes to 'ride dirty' (as daddy says) by sitting low but every now & then I get a good punch in the ribs or gallbladder.  I've noticed she likes to get real active when I'm trying to sleep or nap, especially when I get up during the wee hours ;)

Sleep: still depends on the day.  Some nights I'm out like a rock, others I lay awake for awhile.

Symptoms: ooooooo my aching back!  Lower back is usz ok unless I do too much walking or sitting wrong (like on a bench or stool.)  My thoracic is in rough shape.  Think the boobies are taking their toll!

Cravings:  I finally gave in to my pink animal cookie craving.  They were ohhh so tasty!

Innie or outie: Yesterday it became apparent my cute, deep innie will no longer be!  I ran around with cousin Lisa here squealing about it.  The thin part is getting thicker & the inside is tender... I say in 2 weeks or less it'll pop!

Favorite Moment This Week:  my belly def looks like a preggo belly!  No mistaking ;)  we finished up Bradley class and are on the search for a doula.

Worst Moment This Week: its getting real!   In 12 weeks or less bambina will be here! !!!  Think we are both starting to feel the pressure.

Looking Forward To: baby shower on Saturday! !

Daddy update: daddy's thinking about selling his beloved jeep to focus on the family.  Whaaat!!

32 week bumpdate

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 32 weeks, holy cow!  The weekly countdown is into single digits; 8 left! !

Size of baby:  a honey dew: almost 17" and about 3.75 lbs.  She has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz) !!

Weight change: somehow my count is different from the midwives... they say +23 so I'm going with that. ... sounds much better than reality.  ;)  I did officially break the 200 threshold last week. Oof.

Maternity Clothes: Unless I want my belly to hang out!  ;)

Movement: 2-3 weeks ago I waa getting karate chopped like mad!  Sometimes so hard it would wake me up or seriously scare the crap outta me.  I still get that, but this week ol girl's moving has turned more... graceful I guess.  I can tell she's wriggling and not just kicking a puncging bag.

Sleep:  apparently I snore!  Poor J... ;/

Symptoms: my ligaments have poor me in the hurt locker.  Some days it hurts to out my pants on or get in the car!  I also feel my SI joint clicking when i walk.  I got a yoga ball & that thing has saved my spine though.  I can sit for more than 15 mins at a time!

What I miss: laying on the couch.  Can't take it.   Matter  of fact, the couch in general is one big evil piece of furniture.  Sitting hurts, too.  Too squish.

Cravings: cinnamon rolls!

Aversions:  not food.... though I have been feeling more nauseated lately.

Innie or outie: Innie, barely.  I might get lucky with an innie the whole time because of the 'overflap'.  Though I feel it protrude when I cough.... haha.  J is afraid to touch my belly button. I think he thinks it might explode.

Favorite Moment This Week: nesting has kicked in!  I went shipping to stock up on household supplies.  Also spent the weekend making hair bows, then arranging them by color.  wow.

Worst Moment This Week: met with our doula. ... holy crap that birth thing is coming!

Looking Forward To: Have an appt tomorrow and maternity pics on Saturday!

Daddy update:  daddy's hanging in there:)  he's been super sweet and taking very good care of baby-mama!  ♥

Nursery

Slowly but surely the nursery corner is coming together! !!  Our super comfy glider is on order....  the decal will be going up soon!  Next on the list, my mega list of sewing projects. 

Some pics of J and me during our special bonding experience putting together nursery furniture :)

Getting soo excited! !~!

Crafting begins :)

32 yards of fabric waiting to be sewn into sheets, crib skirt, changing pad cover, and other cute nursery accessories.  And we're off!

Week 24 bumpdate

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 24 weeks, 6 months exactly!

Size of baby:  an ear of corn.  Or according to ultrasound, almost a foot long and weighing in at 1 1/2 pounds.  Ute is the size of a soccer ball.  Its officially above my belly button!

Weight change: +20

Maternity Clothes:   had to retire my pink Cali jeans today.  Yesterday I did the rubberband-on-the-button trick & the band snapped!  Lol.

Gender: still a girl, confirmed x3 :)

Movement: More pronounced.  I can feel her all the time now!  Got my first kick in the bladder today.  Ouch.  J can feel her when she's doing hardcore karate chops.

Sleep:  good, minus a few weird dreams and having to switch sides all the time.  My hips get so sore!

Symptoms: heartburn here & there.  Overall nothing too horrendous right now.

What I miss: sleeping on my back.  Being able to sit longer than an hour without hurting.   Last week's road trips & plane rides about killed me.

Cravings: sushi.  Mmmmm!  I put in a request to go for the fake (read: cooked) stuff this weekend.

Aversions:  none.

Innie or outie: innie! Yeah!

Favorite Moment This Week: had to go back for anatomy scan round two since they couldn't clear her face or heart 3 weeks ago.  Thank heavens everything checked out GOOD!! 

Worst Moment This Week: work is getting harder to do for 8 hours at a time.  I've cut down a Bunch but thinking I'm closer to the end.

Looking Forward To: sewing crib sheets this weekend! !  We got the dresser, bookshelf, crib, and ordered the rocking chair this week.  Cradle & mattress are ready to go.  Now the fun stuff can ensue! :)

Daddy update:  Daddy laid eyes on his first cloth diaper.....and was impressed! ! "That's the whole thing?  Oh cool!" Mommy, FTW!

20 week bumpdate

  Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 20 weeks

Size of baby:  13 oz (per ultrasound) and the size of a cantaloupe.  Wowza!

Weight change: im living on the edge and have no idea...

Gender: verified by two sources bambino is a bambina - its a GIRL!!!!!

Movement: I've determined this week, yes!  The past weeks every once in awhile (like every 3 days) I would feel a little something.  Almost like a soft flick but never regular or strong enough to be certain.  During my massage on Monday I figured the flicks MUST be her.  They are getting stronger!  I mostly feel them in my lower belly at night.  Hopefully it won't be long before baby daddy can feel her, too! :)

Sleep: depends on the day.  Some nights are fab!  Others I wake up to pee & can't get back to bed.  Last week i got up at 4 a.m. and did some sewing.

Symptoms:   My feet & ankles have been swelling like mad.

What I miss: margaritas..... mmmmmm

Cravings: hot dogs with yummy fixings!  So far haven't given in to the craving but Oktoberfest (brats!) Is next weekend. Yesss!

Aversions: mushrooms.

Innie or outie: innie. But def more shallow!  Also my "flab divide" is almost gone making my belly into one big bump!

Favorite Moment This Week: being able to definitively feel bambina moving. So frkn cool!  We got in the mail our family heirloom cradle.  I was the first grandbaby to use it & most of my cousins have been in it, too. I'm so excited to carry on the tradition with great grandbaby!

Worst Moment This Week: ugh, names!  I mean, dreaming is fun but it has also been quite torturous.  It is only FOREVER! ! Haha

Looking Forward To: Seeing family this week!  Everyone is so excited :)  also passing our anatomy scan round 2. Round 1 was last week. Lil lady was covering her face with hands and would not move them!  Going back for a redo to check everything off the a.o.k. list. 

Daddy update: daddys in nesting mode, too!  Its so cute to see him excited :)  he likes to pat my belly & talk silly to bambina.  "Did you just hear what you're mamma said??!" His new fav line is : 'this time next year....' <3

16 week bumpdate

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 16+2

Size of baby:  this week, an avocado. And no, not just the seed.

Weight change: +14

Maternity Clothes:  oh you betcha!  Bambam is making her appearance quite noticeable now.

Gender:  eeep we don't know but are eager to find out!!! We have an elective ultrasound sometime soon.... we'll see how long I can hold that secret.  Heading home in a few weeks and I want to tell the new grandparents in person.  :)

Movement: not yet.  A few times I've been all "is that it?" Nothing definitive thus far.

Sleep: muuuuch better. Thank gooness! This week we've slept in super soft & fluffy mattresses (at the in-laws places.) I have despised these for the longest.   Matter of fact, I hated J's old mattress so much that we gave it to his mom and got a new one.  We slept on said mattress for 3 nights this week. That sucker was COMFY!

Symptoms: heart burn& indigestion.  Waaaah.  Yesterday morning I resorted to a mouthful of baking soda with a chaser of water. Blech.

What I miss: not being tired all the d@mn time!

Cravings: burgers.  Banana pudding.  Both of which were fulfilled this week aplenty by southern family ;)

Aversions: hmm... nothing that I can think of now.  Eating was far from a problem this week.  Ha.

Innie or outie: innie, though J mentioned last night it didn't feel as deep as usual.  Ruhroh!

Favorite Moment This Week: We got showered with all sorts of Razorback baby gear. Sooooo cute!  Also the fam was real good at taking good care of me ;)

Worst Moment This Week: trying not to be a party pooper by staying up late & getting up super early (with no nap!) Exhausting.

Looking Forward To: that ultrasound, baby!

Anything else?:  blood sugar round 2 came back fine. Phrew.  Bp has been up & down but also mostly normal. Double phrew.

Daddy update: daddy's getting excited!  He's taking good care of baby mamma <3  getting to be a pro at making perfect breakfast eggs. He likes to rub my belly to say nighty night bambino! 

I'm a navel orange (tomorrow)

Thought this was cute.  Though a little weird to go from a cantaloupe to a banana?!

14 week Bumpdate!

Bumpdate: 14 Weeks

How Far Along: 14+2

Size of baby:  a peach! Whaaat!

Weight change: since transfer,14lbs. For heaven's sakes.  Unfortunately way worse from pre-ivf weight.  :/

Maternity Clothes:   oh yeah, so much mote comfy

Gender: ooooh funding out soon!  I keep having dreams it's a girl..... hmmmm.

Movement:  not yet but i examine every little blip.

Sleep: crappy!  It takes me forEVER to get comfy and fall asleep.  Ive taken over the bed with all my pillows to no avail.  Hopefully this will come back soon because i am cranky & tired!

Symptoms: not much anymore, woot!  I still get a little nauseous once in awhile.  Reflux/heart burn has caught up to me.  Even water does it.  Tums are my new bff!  My ankles are a tiny swelled and my feet are HUGE! I just upgraded my size 6 tennies to a 7 1/2. 

What I miss: wineeeeee

Cravings: depends on the day.  For a few weeks it was sandwiches & Subway.   Peaches, burgers, and anything with balsamic vinegar are high on the list now.

Aversions: chicken.  It is hard to stomach!

Innie or outie: innie. If mine turns to an outie, yikes! 

Favorite Moment This Week: making bambino Facebook official.  So fun! I feel so loved!

Worst Moment This Week: realizing I can't fit into regular pants at All!

Looking Forward To: seeing the bump pop this week! Yay!

Daddy update: getting serious ;) Daddy splurged on a new vehicle for me.  The Jeep wasn't gonna look cool with cheerios all over. Hehe.  Poor guy looked like a deer in headlights while car seat shopping!  He's very excited.  I think he wants to pick out a name, like, today!

14 and counting :)

Made it to the 2nd trimester, holy cow!  Everything is going super :) 

Our 20 day european escape was exhaustive but amazing.  I think I'm still recovering and we've been home over a week!

Fertile Turtle did a special acupuncture session this week called the"beautiful baby" treatment.  Special gold needles in a specific spot cleanse the karma & soul of bambino (daoism believe in reincarnation) so that she is born beautiful & pure. Awww.

We (er I) have been taking bump pictures though they are nothing earth shattering so far.  An exaggerated flab!  Hahaha.  Its coming, though, and soon. I think bump grew during my nap today.  Speaking of which, we went shopping today.  Ohhhhh em gee.  I found some SUPER cute Dockers since J is disappointed in how often I wear stretch pants now.  Little did he know stretch pants I will not get out of for a YEAR. (It sounds luxurious.... but that's a lot of spandex. Ugh) Cute dockers were 4 sizes bigger than pre-ivf pants.... and still way too small. Ruhroh!  I sulked back to the maternity section.  Its official.

OH. We are Facebook official.  So fun!!

28th bumpdate

Its the **~*THIRD TRIMESTER!!!!*~**

How Far Along: 28 weeks, baby!

Size of baby:  Almost 15 inches and just over 2 pounds.  In veggies: a cauliflower!

Weight change: + 26

Maternity Clothes:   I've been living in sweat pants & everything stretchy.  My 'long' shirts that I thought would work forever are becoming too short!

Movement: getting karate chopped all the time now!  Baby likes to 'ride dirty' (as daddy says) by sitting low but every now & then I get a good punch in the ribs or gallbladder.  I've noticed she likes to get real active when I'm trying to sleep or nap, especially when I get up during the wee hours ;)

Sleep: still depends on the day.  Some nights I'm out like a rock, others I lay awake for awhile.

Symptoms: ooooooo my aching back!  Lower back is usz ok unless I do too much walking or sitting wrong (like on a bench or stool.)  My thoracic is in rough shape.  Think the boobies are taking their toll!

Cravings:  I finally gave in to my pink animal cookie craving.  They were ohhh so tasty!

Innie or outie: Yesterday it became apparent my cute, deep innie will no longer be!  I ran around with cousin Lisa here squealing about it.  The thin part is getting thicker & the inside is tender... I say in 2 weeks or less it'll pop!

Favorite Moment This Week:  my belly def looks like a preggo belly!  No mistaking ;)  we finished up Bradley class and are on the search for a doula.

Worst Moment This Week: its getting real!   In 12 weeks or less bambina will be here! !!!  Think we are both starting to feel the pressure.

Looking Forward To: baby shower on Saturday! !

Daddy update: daddy's thinking about selling his beloved jeep to focus on the family.  Whaaat!! 

9 weeks!

Gosh,  it is amazing how fast time is flying!   I have a feeling I'll be saying that for the next 20 years.

So far everything is going well.  We graduated from Dr Rockstar last week.  Sad day!  They were so awesome!  They will make great babysitters for our embisicles that are chillin away.

I decided which hospital i'll deliver at and so met with my OB & midwife offices this past week.  The hospital I chose has a really neat delivery center but the catch is I have to be seen by their midwives to use it.  Meh, that's o.k. They seem to know what they are doing ;)

Morning sickness is starting to let up a little bit.  Thank god!  As long as I eat like an animal all day and first thing in the a.m., I'm good.  I'm betting this is partially due to the fact that I stopped my estrogen & progesterone supplements.   WOOOOHOOOO!  I was/am super nervous about letting them go. ..kind of like my security blanket.  But I still had a party.

I think I spotted the first little sign of a bump last night!  Up until now I wasn't sure what was flab or baby buddah.  Haha. 

J and I are leaving Friday for our babymoon extravaganza to europe.  Woot woot! 

And so it begins :)

I hit 6 weeks last Thursday and am feeling the effects. I kinda started feeling pooey a few days before that, but I digress. I've decided early pregnancy feels like a nasty hangover. Ha. A little sick & nauseous, maybe a headache, starving though food sounds repulsive, and tired even though you've slept all night. Sore & huge boobs, and cramps/angry guts to include a mild case of the 'backups.' Its pure joy! ;) Oh no, this is *not* me complaining. I'm loving every minute :)

Our first ultrasound

Tuesday the 4th was our first ultrasound. I was freaking out and way nervous cuz I had some pink spotting on Monday followed by brown. All. Day. Long. I had cramps, I've had cramps from the get go but this was also all day long.... J happened to have CDO that day on the ship (which was super busy& a huge deal because they were doing Change of Command for the fleet) and spent 13 hours in his choker whites, longer than at our wedding! I was alone all day & night fretting! It was terrible.

So Tuesday, I was a nervous wreck. We got to the office like 30 minutes early. I refilled my progesterone and then thought 'well that was dumb I should've waited until after the appt.... Just in case.' Ugh. As we're waiting, I heard at least 3 other people get congratulated. I was hoping & praying I'd be in their club today, oh please oh please!! I'm in a dress (this detail comes important later on) and hanging out. I went pee before we got to the WR but my bladder was full so Dr Rockstar had me go again so he could see well. At this point it's been like 45 mins since we've arrived. I just want to know already! Gah! I was 5 weeks 5 days and so it's iffy whether we will see a heart beat or not. Dr is checking everything out.... It looks good & healthy, ute & yolk sac are measuring good, and he makes sure nothing out of the ordinary is in there causing trouble or that would cause bleeding. Then shit got real in our household, we saw the little flicker of a heart beat in there! It was so cool!! I totally cried. Hahaha. I go back in 2 weeks, when I 'graduate,' and can't wait to see it for real going crazy. I was so excited and distracted walking out of there, we got to the car and I realized I forgot to put my unders back on. (see below, forgetful.)

They chalked up the spotting to ute stretching or a tender cervix exacerbated by aspirin. I stopped for 3 days and haven't had trouble or spotting but started back last night so we'll know soon if aspirin is the culprit. I know I know, everyone TOLD me spotting was no big deal and not to worry but of course I was worried! After everything we went through to get this far, I worry about everything!

Today I'm at 6 weeks.... The dreaded week when all the fun symptoms come out to play. So far I'm hanging tough. My boobies are officially outrageous (thanks in part to progesterone & estrogen supplementation). I have been SUPER forgetful. Like ridiculous. Of course I'm more tired than usual. So far no nausea or barfing although I do admit I feel a little strange. Not sick, just not quite right. You know how when you are feeling like you're gonna puke and you get lots of saliva? Yeah, I get that. It's gross. I'm hoping my guts of steel can hang tough for awhile :)

We took our first "bump" picture. It is so cute! Though its more like a starting point pic cuz there is no bump. ;).

I've been taking it easy from work. Literally, I'm working 3 days this whole month. I've had lots of time to research our Europe trip, Oktoberfest trip, and figure out where I want to give birth. Yes for real. I need to find an OB and to do that I have to figure out what hospital I want to be at. Talk about a CHORE. Ugh. It feels like a million years away!

its a Big Fat ....

POSITIVE!!!!!

I am freaking out!  We agreed that Thursday would be a nice compromise because I was 9dp5dt or =14DPO.  Both J and I were up all night Wednesday night thinking about it.   I almost tested at 1am just to get it over with.  I had the slightest pink/orange tinge to CM Wednesday and cramps all night.  Both of these symptoms had me worried to death we had another BFN coming.  With such bad cramps I thought for SURE I was going to wake up to AF.  Surprise!  :D

I did a blue dye & internet cheapie at the same time...I let them marinate for the required 3 minutes plus 1 more for luck.  I was too nervous to go look so i made J get out of bed to peek with me.  When those 2 were showing lines I did the digi for good measure.  OMGGGGG, we finally got our  BFP!  We're finally pregnant!!!!!!

Test day I was 9dp5dt (or =14dpo).   I think I'm still in shock!!!

So the beta was yesterday, Saturday.  My RE was looking for a number over 100.  For my own sanity, I was hoping for over 200.  It was a whopping 446!   WOOOO HOOOOO~!!~!!  Our first u/s is scheduled for 4 June.  I'm still nervous but a little more relieved today. :)

Wanna hear something really frkn cool?  Based on transfer day, our estimated due date is February 4, which is also my grandma's 90th birthday.  Way rad!!!

6dp5dt

Transfer went super duper fab!!!  We thawed 1 (yes, just one) AA rated hatching blast.  Dr Rockstar has so much faith in this lil embie that he wouldn't let us transfer two.  God please let him be right.  Ugh!! 

I was able to sneak into my yoga class before transfer which was nice.  Ya know, to help blood flow n shit.  I ended up being SUPER early and even though I brought a snack I was too nervous to eat.   I chatted with Dr R's PA, who is always super nice, and one of the nurses.  I've never been to a doc office where the staff is so personable & friendly!! Love them <3.  I was still sad J couldn't be there but was feeling good about everything.  So first they had me meet with the embryologist to confirm what we were transferring and what else was left in the deep freeze.  They brought me back about 15 minutes late but I shit you not, as soon as I sat down with Dr Lisa GUESS WHO CALLED!!!  J from the ship out at sea :). He got to be on speaker phone to hear the whole thing.  (We joke about having ESP but this was purely ridic. Haha).    So the lil guy (or gal) thawed at 0930 and was already nice & plump by 1150.  (They shrivel the embryos a little before freezing to help the cells survive.)  I actually had to change into a gown with booties & hat, they didn't have me do that up at SRM....  Acupuncture lady did her thing and I did my meditation.  40 mins later, thankfully my bladder was full enough before I felt like peeing on myself.  Since the lab is down a few doors, they wheeled our lil guy in in a for real incubator!  It was so cute.  Not only were we worried about scents (like perfume) but we weren't allowed to talk but in a whisper and they had it completely dark except for a tiny spot light you know where. Dr R did his business, they loaded it up right there in the incubator under the microscope and that was that!  They used embryo glue and also some kind of special cleansing stuff to help with implantation. 

I survived bed rest with flying colors :). Been taking it easy since then so as not to push my luck. Plus my bum is a damn pin cushion.  It feels like a for real sore muscle that's partially numb & bruised.  Last night I rolled over and hit it just right so that I yelped cuz it felt like I had just laid on a tack. Ouch.

Today I am 6dp5dt. Beta is scheduled for Saturday. Eeeep!  I haven't peed on any hpt's..... yet.  The problem is I work Friday thru Monday and need a refill of PIO by Friday night and patches by Sunday.... I'm thinking of testing on Thursday so as to give me time to refill prescriptions *OR* a day of crying my eyes out before I have to function in public. I'll be 9dp5dt on Thursday (equivalent to 14dpo).  Saturday they are looking for a beta over 100. Technically speaking, if hcg doubles every 48 hours it would theoretically be at 50 on Thursday.  Most hpt's pick up 25 of hcg.  My point is, Thursday is like Goldilocks....
Not too early, not too late but juuuuust right enough to be accurate. So far I have no symptoms that can't be blamed on either the estrogen patches, progesterone, or indigestion. Trying not to read in to stuff & stay focused + relaxed. 

Say your prayers for us......

Photo caption: our embisicle!  You can see the ICM (inner cell mass) at the bottom, the gray outline is what becomes placenta, and the "drip" is where its hatching!! :)

P.s.

Game of the day: count how many times I used parenthesis in this post!! 

25.25 hours and counting!

I worked this weekend and hit the store a few times to make sure I'm set for 48 hours of bed rest following transfer.  Signed up for a free week of Hulu+  (which I am now hooked on), downloaded some ukulele tabs to learn, and found my spot in the Game of Thrones book.  Somehow I woke up this morning and flipped.  The house is a disaster, I should do laundry, omg what about this + that + the other.  Shit that hasn't bugged me in 2 weeks is suddenly a problem. If this is what nesting is like, I'm screwed!  I called in to work hoping like hell they won't need me today. 

I caved and did my injection on the left last night. My right hip was much too lumpy & sore.  I had a weird tingly/ burning sensation afterward making me think I frost bit or burned my behind.  Great.  I also noticed that as I'm pushing in the thick oil I tend to yoink the syringe so that its not straight anymore.... I'm sure my tush appreciated a needle being drug around inside the muscle.  I'll focus better tonite lil (er, big) butt, i promise!  Someday I'll get the hang of this stupid IM crap.

PIO aftermath

Ohhhh my god my ass hurts!!!  Worse right now than when there was a 1.5" needle in me.  I had to sleep on my left side because there is a huge knot on the right from last nights PIO.  I must not have massaged & heated it enough.  I also think my target (my nurse drew circles for me to aim at) is too low..  Wowwie.  I'm trying not to limp and hit the hottub this morning hoping it'll help. 

I'm DEF sticking to the same side tonight.  Otherwise I won't be able to sit or lay At All! 

I'm Chuck Norris!

I did EVERYTHING in my power to reschedule transfer.... Monday cancellation... later in the day Tuesday so Lori could come.... Thursday so both Lori & J can be there.... nada!  Ugh!  I made it through the day at work without breaking down about it.  All I know is I tried.  I did my best.  Tuesday must be meant to be.  Now I have to deal with life & the joys of being a navy wife!  Big girl panties are on.  Time to focus on the ute.

*~i did my very first PIO (progesterone in oil) injection tonite!~*  I iced my hip for probably 30 minutes to get er nice & numb.  It really wasn't all that bad!  I did it lying down cuz I've heard its less painful than standing.  Huh.  Even though I had gauze on it afterward I still bled on my heat pack :(  I think the frozen has worn off because now I'm a little sore & can already feel a knot forming.  I'm trying to decide if tomorrow I'll do the same side so I only have 1 bum hip or if I'll rotate to give each side a break....

I searched interest for pio suggestions & came across this hilarious blog. The post is "ode to the PIO shot" and she speaks only the truth!  Hahaha.  According to her, I am the Chuck Norris of infertility for 2 reasons:  I do my own PIO (so far.... though not by choice), and I have to use a 22G needle (ouch!).  Oh, and I inject 2cc, not just one. 
My poor ass!

Now that I think about it, i bet Chuck would own this transfer business....

Feeling abandoned...

Yesterday's u/s was superb! Lining is at 8.6 and trilaminar, yippee.  We wanted to transfer 2 embryos since we have 4 in the freezer & that would leave things nice and even and with another future FET.  Dr Rockstar basically said no.  We have one blast that is, for all intents & purposes, perfect.  Its AA, full blast & already starting to hatch.  Even with previous failed ivf, he feels confident that this lil embisicle will be IT. 

The soonest transfer day could be Monday.  They are booked so I was scheduled on Tuesday.  Monday would have been perfect work wise.  I've been tore up about the fact that J will be gone for transfer but awesome friends have volunteered to come with me and my acupuncturist offered to give me a ride.  So nice!  :). The shitty part is said friends work Tuesday.  Acupuncture lady is booked Tuesday.  I would have to have a stranger poke me with needles in weird places with my pants off.  I would be at this all important transfer all by myself.  Alone.  Abandoned by everyone who has guided & comforted me through this process. 

So today, I had a giant pity party. 

I spent the morning stifling back tears and finally got out of bed in time for acupuncture at 11.  Then I cried on the table explaining about my crappy morning and the realization that no one would be there with me.  Lori helped reassure me that I am not just high on estrogen and am legitimately freaking out about being alone. Being comfortable & stress free is a big part of transfer success.  I decided it would be a brilliant idea to push transfer back by 2 days when both her and J can be there.  The perfect transfer situation for the 'perfect' embryo.  [And then the angels sang.]

Not 2 minutes after I leave, I get an email... "I might be home Friday or Monday says the captain!". What the.  Halkelujah!  Awesome, let me change transfer to Monday!  No cancellations, office still booked Monday. Then 3 hours later, "just kidding, the admiral said no way Jose", keep your happy asses floating.  Ugh!  Drama drama drama.  At this point, Dr Rockstars office is closed for the day.  I'm hoping with all my might they have Thursday open and it won't be a big deal to change transfer date again and wait 2 more days.  Please, please, please!  The nurses are so gonna hate me.... I think I've called every day this week bugging them about something or other.

So anyways.  Pity party is over.  On one hand I feel like I should quit being a whiny toddler and not mess with the process.  On the other, I dont think my experience will be near the same (and dare I say enjoyable?) without my support system.  Uuuuggghhhhh!

Here's hoping to Thursday!! 

FET day 10

I had my day 10 checkup on Tuesday. Lining was at 8.1, which is nice! Dr Rockstar said "it was close" and he wanted to give it another week. I was confused because the nurse said 8 was what they look for, acupuncturist said 10 is better. Oh fine.

Another reason to wait? The bleeding I did during and after the surprise saline sonohistogram. .... Yeahhhhh. I had one 2 months ago prior to cycle start and everything checked out. Apparently Dr R saw some 'shadows' on the ultrasound that were worrisome. The high levels of estrogen I'm taking can make polyps or other scary things grow & pop up. Cue increased heart rate. He did the SHG right then & there. OUCH! I'll say he was more 'thorough' this time which involved curling of my toes and wincing for.... 5 minutes. I imagine this is partially what labor feels like. Holy crap. Everything still looked fine so I guess the shadows were ghosts or gas bubbles or something else weird. At first I thought I should have asked him to do a hysteroscopy to be sure (where they literally stick a camera in to look, but also involves anesthesia and probably a cancelled cycle.) I consulted with my cookies gals who reassured me that Dr R is VERY conservative and thorough and if he thought he needed it, he would have done it. Whatever. I've stopped second guessing.

So another week.... Ugh! J went out to sea Thursday morning. He comes back in exactly 2 weeks. Then goes back out to sea in June for 10 days followed by a week long inspection where he can't leave early followed by a week of turnover with his relief. I was hoping transfer would be this week because he'd be back for beta day and the 6 week ultrasound (if there is one) would be before his next batch of craziness. Since transfer will/should/better be Monday the 13th, he'll be home for beta day but probably not u/s day. WTFFFFFF. Why it's a big deal: we may hear the heartbeat for the first time. We'll find out if its one or two .... or three babies. Hahaha jk. But two, maybe.

Oh yeah, and now I'm up to 5 patches. According to package directions, I have to have a week break between patch location sites. Sorry Vivelle, the area of my tummy under my belly button is only so big! Where the f can I put these things? Im also covered in a nice layer of sticky and fuzz. Injections sucked, but so do these darn patches.

I'm gearing up to do my own PIO in the bum. Ice, lay down, shoot, heat & massage. Am I missing any other good tips? I've been working in my twisting in yoga, but am still trying to figure out how i will get a 1.5" needle straight in...

An FET lesson....

Since this will be our first frozen embryo transfer, I got to thinking.... how does it work?  What is the timeline?  Do they prevent ovulation or will I still ovulate this cycle?  Do they thaw embryos the same day and when?  Hours before or as I'm on the table?

I found a nice little explanation HERE.  Ahhhh, so many questions answered.  I still have a bunch for Dr Rockstar but I get to see today!

Sad note: we found out J will be at sea  for 2 weeks in May playing Navy games.... and of course these 2 weeks will overlap the FET.  :( :(  boo!  I'm hoping he'll be home in time to get THE NEWS.  Aka beta results.  No way do i want to be home alone that day!  Anyone wanna volunteer to come to transfer day with me?  Hold my hand or something?  It'll be sometime in the next 14 days.... 

Phase II, and go.

My 'red flower bloomed' two days early!!!  Never in my life have I been so excited to get my period.  Woohoo!  Let the FET begin!!!

We got Popsicles!!

The champagne is popped!! ~!

Our goal was to meet industry standards of 50% and have 3 or more in the freezer. Sunday morning we had 3 blasts that went in! 2 'good' and 1 'fair'. I am so frkn happy!! We also had 3 that were at morula stage so they continued to culture through day 6, Monday, to see if they'd be freezer worthy blasts by then.  2 arrested :(  but 1 more 'fair' embie was added to the bunch for a total of 4 blasts. Yay!!  We got popsicles!  Or should I say embiesicles??

J was quizzing me about the embryo/blastocyst grading system.  This website has a great explanation AND cool pics!

The only obstacle now is my ute... they've had no reason to suspect foul play with it so pleeeez pleeez lil ute keep it together!

Floating.... with all fingers crossed!

Day 3 results are in and we are still on cloud 9  :)

Our embryologist grades embryos as Good Fair or Poor (nice n easy). We've got 5 'good' quality and 2 'poor' quality embryos :D. The embryo grading system is severely inaccurate in determining survivability so that makes me a little nervous....  it all goes off the appearance of the embie and we all know that looks aren't always everything!  I'm kicking myself because I forgot to ask how many cells they are... though it really doesn't matter I guess.  She decided it would be best to culture them to Day 5 and freeze on Sunday. I'm o.k. with this because she said they typically grow out to day 5 with good resuIts and I know blasts have a better chance at implantation. I think stats say 50% of embies will make it to blast, right? IF we can make it to Sunday she said over 90% will survive the vitrification/warming process. I'm feeling pretty good that we'll have something to freeze & transfer in a few weeks. Though I'm still crossing my fingers and toes and won't pop the champagne til Sunday.....

I'm feeling MUCH better today! My headache is gone. My belly is still tender in the ute/ovary area but I'm not nearly as uncomfortable and bloated. I visited my acupuncturist who gave me some 'cleansing' needles. I also went shopping. Got a super cute dress and some pants a size bigger lol.

We will get the final verdict tomorrow morning and know how many made it to blastocyst and what's going in the deep freeze.  I'm still super scared but very excited.... this time the odds are with us. Ah! 

A lot of people have asked me why Dr Rockstar has made this protocol into a 2 part/freeze all / embryo banking cycle.  I can't remember if I've posted about it yet... 

It's for many reasons. 1) they've found better success when the body is given a chance to recover from controlled  hyperstimulation, let estrogen levels return to normal, and be able to focus just on lining. High estrogen is bad bad bad for implantation.  2)Back in the day when the embryo freezing process sucked, it was better to do fresh transfers. Now that technology caught up and the process has gotten perfected with vitrification etc, frozen transfers do much better.  It has the same success if not better than fresh transfer.  3) with the drug protocol I used, 100mg clomid was one of the stims. Of course we know clomid sucks the life out of the ute lining.

There are some schools of thought that believe only the best of the best embryos will survive to blastocyst and survive vitrification & warming. We run the risk of nothing survive and having NO transfer, but at the same time if we DO transfer, we know those are some tough, bada$$ embies.

Is all this the "right" approach to ivf? Who knows. But I trust my RE implicitly and know he is a very smart cookie with lots of other smart cookies around him... all I hope is that it works!!!

2 days post retrieval

I hope our embabies are growing like weeds.  That would make it worth it because....

I feel like crap.

Immediately post-retrieval I felt better than when I had come in. I could def tell I dropped a few eggz. Yesterday I felt very bloated and fat. Today I feel like there's a rock in my gut. Not a big one but man oh man! I've been taking Colace & haven't had any problems in that department yet and I've been staying away from water& drinking powerade ans coconut water instead. I relapsed on the GF diet so I'm sure that's not helping the situation....I might go weigh myself to see if I've gained any water weight the last 2 days. Ugh!

This a.m. J whacked me in the belly as he was getting out of bed. Normally it wouldn't have been a big deal but today I'm so tender it made me tear up. What the heck!  To boot, I'm going on day 2 of a headache.  My usz go-to is Excedrin Migraine but I can't take that and tylenol hasn't done jack. I figured I'd be feeling better by now, not worse! :(

I might go for a walk today to keep things moving. It'll be slooooow and probably not very far. Then again, I might just lay in bed.

Cumulus Co-culture

I consulted Dr Google to read more about cumulus co culture, what the heck it is and why its so great.  I figured you might be curious as well. (Source)

During retrieval, ovarian cells called cumulus cells come out with the follicles & eggs.  These cells secrete a chemical  that's important for cell growth, adhesion, and regularity.  Its found all around our bodies, including in the ute.  Kind of like naturally occuring HGH.  It makes sense that having this chemical floating around would improve embryo growth & development.  Post retrieval, they wash said cumulus cells and set them up in a petri dish to do their thing.  1 day later (today for us), they add normally fertilized eggs (now technically embryos) to the dish and Voila! Magic happens.  Improved cell growth and IVF success, just what we've been dreaming of.

P.s. I just got the magic phone call I've been waiting all day for....
.......
*DRUM ROLL* .....
.............
Six fertilized embryos and 2 more that are "having reactions" and looking like they are gettin 'er done.  YAHOOOOOO!!!! 

Next update coming in T+2 days.  Yes, I'm cheezin'!!!!

RETRIEVAL !!~!

Today was a great day.  I was the only egg retrieval and could tell I got everyone's A game this morning.  My nurse was fab and they even played Bob Marley in the OR for me :). I woke up from anesthesia to fabulous news!!!!   They retrieved TWELVE eggz!!~!~!! 6 are mature and 3 are intermediate and may mature by tomorrow.  Poor J got TESE done so they will ICSI the mature guys. The embryologist also decided to do a cumulus culture with them. I guess they let the eggs & embies chill in a dish with my body's "cumulus" cells and it helps them be all big n bad and grow real nice.  Tomorrow the embryologist will tell us the report about how many fertilized, etc. Hoping, wishing, praying for some nice beautiful embryos!!!  We are home now recouping by the pool. We're both limping but in good spirits :)

Stim day 12... the MONEY SHOT!!!

The time has come.....  we triggered last night!  :)  :/  :). I'm suuuuuper nervous!!

Sunday morning showed 5 ripe & plump follies with 4 other serious contenders.  The trigger was more complicated than previous past ones... we knocked out HGH, then HCG, then a follistim boost.  Bam!Bam!Bam!  I don't remember the prior triggers being so.... uncomfortable.  *Cue fears about PIO injections.*

Retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow at 730.  Gotta be there bright n early by 630!  Poor J is getting his nut shot while I'm high on versed.  We are SO gonna be a hot mess tomorrow.  Haha. 

We have a date tomorrow night for a champagne toast in the hot tub.  YES, I said the "H" word!  Agh!  We've decided after this cycle, however it works out, we deserve and need a break.  No easier way to do that than kill all the spermiez a la hot tub time.

Think of us tomorrow and send up happy big fatty egg vibes & hope for lots of healthy lil fertilized embryos!

Stim day 10

I feel so fat & uncomfortable. I can still button my pants but dont want to. Haha. Yesterday we saw some sights around Sun Diego and spent a bunch of time in the car.... unfortunately for me, i had to drive cuz the backseat was too bumpy and jostled my guts too much. I felt like my poor eggs got scrambled! Today is going to be a low-key day at the market & Balboa park. I already can't wait to get home and sit by the pool. Ha.

I rustled J out of bed on his day off to come with me yesterday. He was good luck!! 2 follies came back out of hiding and we found ANOTHER!!! Wowie I'm so excited. 5 are above 13mm and 4 are right behind. The lead was at 17mm so I started ganirelix. Up to my max of 3 injections per day. Phrew!

I go back tomorrow morning to learn if retrieval will be Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm def o.k. with them delaying it from Monday-- i'd rather give the follies more time to catch up than make them hurry. Slow & steady wins the race?!??!

I'm pimping out.... right now I'll take all the prayers, good thoughts and well wishes I can get! ;). Thanks bunches :)

Here's 10 days worth of needles, ouch!

IVF #3, stim day 5

Monday I went in for my day 5 appt.  I met one of Dr Rockstar's colleague REs.  She was super!  I'll meet his third colleague tomorrow.  Dr R is out of the country for 2 weeks and so the dude I'm meeting tomorrow will most likely be doing my retrieval.  (If youre wnde 

So, Monday.  We found an extra follicle!!  8 lil guys are growing.  The largest measured in at 6mm.  Lining was 4.1 though I dint think that matters.... Estradiol was 187.  "Perfect." They said.  :)

Next appointment: Thursday April 4.  Woot!!

And they're off!

Thursday morning I went in for my suppression check. Everything came out a.o.k. Just like Goldilocks, nothing awesome, nothing bad, right where I expected. Ute lining is at 3 something and I've got 7 lil follies waiting for action!! J calls them The Potentials. Haha.

I ripped off my last damn androdem patch Thursday night and stuck myself for the first of many pokes. Good news (cuz there always has to be a bright side in this shit) is after 2 days I have no bruises!! I looked like a frkn pin cushion last time. U saw the pic, it was ridic!

Right now I'm doing 2 vials menopur, clomid, & steroid. I'm feeling pretty well. I have noticed my fuse is A LOT shorter than usual. And by a lot, I'm talking like I-never-bitch-at-anyone-about-anything to omgwtfdidudo! I've been keeping up with yoga & acupuncture and also started guided meditation. This has helped my mood tremendously! Since I've been feeling so good & zen I am able to notice my craziness and keep it in check... hopefully, for the sakes of everyone around me and for J's sanity, I can keep that up for the next 11 days. :)

As for the androderm.... the cream smelled Yuck and I was petrified for anyone to touch my arms. Ya know, cross contamination to another person could be detrimental to their health! The patches didn't smell but man did they irritate the shit out of my skin. I am at the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to skin sensitivity. Yet I can still clearly see outlines of where 3 of the 5 patches were stuck to my leg... not to mention I couldn't move At All or the damn things would pull cuz they're so big. Ugh! Glad I'm d.u.n. with those suckers!!

Next appointment: Monday. This'll be our first follie check on stims. We are hoping & praying that 3rd time is the charm! Think positive thoughts for some healthy growing follies and all at the same size! YeahYeah!

posted from Bloggeroid

*taps*

Big day today.... I decided it was time to retire my BBT thermometer.  I maybe almost shed a tear as this means our TTC adventures have hit a turning point.  A point where the future holds no more daily temps.

Of course I don't need to temp while cycling.  And I am going to LURVE <3 sleeping in on Saturdays without a 5am alarm.  I get the feeling that efforts to conceive naturally are futile.  Thus why I decided it was time!

It was an open casket ceremony  ;)

Calendar in hand, woot!

Got our calendar last friday at J's appointment! Woot!!  I started Testosterone gel last week and Estrace on Sunday.  I'll prime for 2 more weeks until my suppression check on March 28.  Tentative retrieval: April 8.  Holy cow!

I'm super excited that The Time has finally come but also very very nervous.  I've never had anxiety before but every time I'm in Dr Rockstar's office I find myself very stressed out.  I've been trying to stay really positive and I think this time around we have so much more going for us.... I'm just really scared to get that huge BFN let down again.  I am seriously scarred from our previous ivf's!  I asked some peeps for suggestions and will try some....  lavender oil, music distraction.... I think the only thing that will truly help is when its all over.  I'm still doing yoga & acupuncture so will still do that, of course.  Someone said to try not to think about it unless I have to... kinda hard when I'm tracking daily supplements, morning gel application and evening estrogen doses.  Ugh.  I WISH I didn't have to think about ivf every damn day!

Hopefully some day soon I won't.  Hopefully soon I'll be able to think about diapers & cribs & big wheels & dance lessons.

I have a problem....

...With supplements!!

When I quit Chinese herbs I did a little happy dance. I thought I was off the supplement bandwagon!

Wrong-O.

Last night I had a rush order to Amazon and for (I'm pretty sure) the first time in my life, I paid for expedited 2 day shipping. See, yesterday morning I noticed the bottle was seeming a little empty. After counting pills I realized I only had 2 more days of CoQ10 left! FCK! These are my miracle drugs! My hope in a bottle! Estimated ship date is Tuesday (amazon fail) so I divvy up evenly what I have left. Even though my dose will be less than half of my usz dose, I figure it'd be better to have some everyday rather than finish out today at normal dosage then go without until my special package arrives. I dont want e~g~g withdrawals. Shit.

I'm sure you're wondering, "so how many supplements DO you take?"

For 6 months I took 4 supplements that equated to 14 pills/day. I also took a disgusting* liquid herb 10 days/month.

Then Dr Rockstar said 'no more herbs for you! Take these instead.'

I've upped the ante to 6 supplements at 19 pills/day plus royal jelly in my tea & bee pollen in my protein shake.

* it tasted like Jagermeister, only better, because I had to drink it warm. Blech!


Hi, my name is M, and I'm addicted to hope.

EDIT 3/30: for more info on these supplements and what YOU should be taking, go to http://www.lifechoicesandfertility.com/

Holy protocol, Batman!

I'm not even sure this protocol has an official title because its a bunch of protocols mashed into one. On my paperwork it says "low stim cycle using midluteal Estrace, ganirelix, with saizen and androderm patches and gel" Talk about a mouthful. Dr Rockstar also referred to it as MLEA which is 'mid lutral estrace antagonist.'. Which, to me, sounds the same as LEAP or 'luteal Estrace antagonist priming'... Anyways. From what I understand it'll go a little like this: estrogen & testosterone priming for 10-21 days followed by testosterone patches. Then I'll start stims, which for this low stim protocol will be menopur and clomid. I know, you're thinking "clomid? Really!?" Cuz I did, too. This is partially why it's a 2phase freeze-all cycle. Here's where it gets complicated... So clomid &menopur. Then add a steroid (to help the bod be more susceptible to stims). Then comes ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation of all those big fat follies. THEN comes human growth hormone. Then finally, egg retrieval. Phrew! Hopefully they get a bunch of eggs and all those eggs fertilize into beautiful blastocysts that then go into the deep freeze! Yes, our baby/ies will have been popsicles.

I'll heal, get my $15,000 period and then we gear up for a fancy frozen embryo transfer (FET). I have no idea what the FET will entail but I'm sure it's not going to be your typical, run of the mill transfer.

I've never heard of using HGH until now and apparently it's still very new. Using it for IVF is an off-label use.... BUT it's been shown to improve ovarian stimulation especially in poor responders and increase both embryo quality and therefore pregnancy rate. Something to do with granulosa cells .... I fell asleep during this chapter in micro .... but I digress. We had to sign special consent forms to use the HGH and the testosterone. Hopefully I won't grow a 3rd tit or a mustache. We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed.

I don't have an official IVF calendar yet and won't until I start the topicals in about 2 weeks. I attempted to make a rough calendar based off of the days of priming meds and stims and cycles, etc. If retrieval is in early April, I don't think transfer / BFP will be until May or June. !!!!
I'm glad we are pushing it to get started now because June seems sooooo long away. :/

I had my day 3labs & ultrasound last week and everything looked superb. FSH is still at a lovely 4.7 woot! Next step: I go in for a sonohistogram and trial transfer on Thursday morning.

My new rockstar RE

I went to consults in the greater San Diego and Orange County area for education. I had heard about Dr Rockstar... he came recommended by the fertility clinic doc in Seattle, his success rates are the best for IVF in SD county, his partners are also rockstars.  But I wanted to make sure.  I wanted to compare.  I like to make my own choices and not follow blindly just because so-and-so likes him.  

Needless to say, I was impressed.  I did like one other RE and he was cheap, but he was going to do the same old thing.  Not Dr Rockstar.  Last year him and his partners came up with a 2 phase low-stim protocol for poor responders that has had amazing success.  And when I say amazing, he told me somewhere near 80%.  Why should I believe him, you ask?  The proof is in the pudding.  Meet Dr Meldrum, Dr Rockstar's founding partner: Www.davidmeldrummd.com. He loves learning and graduated 1st in his MD class without ever taking notes.  Author of over a hundred articles and papers.  He fellowed at UCLA and was the first in the US to get a BFP using u/s guided egg retrievals.  Pioneered reproductive laboratory accreditation and was the first commissioner of such to ensure more consistent quality in reproductive labs.  One of the first to research Lupron and the first to suggest its routine use.  If you're reading this and done IVF, I'm sure you've heard of that Lupron drug? 

Dr Rockstar has been director of other SD IVF clinics, instructor of anatomy for canadian medical school, member of Scripps research, instructor & consultant of microsurgery for the Navy, and did 2 years of research at the Banting and Best Institute.  He had the first pregnancy last year using egg freezing.

No I'm not writing their biography.  My point is, we're in great hands.  These dudes have always been at the brink of research breakthroughs and therefore I am a believer.

Of course as part of my consultation I ask about all these damn supplements and herbs I'm taking and was directed to this website: Www.lifechoicesandfertility.com It was put together by Dr Rockstar and his team.  So....  Now I'm not taking Chinese herbs, but I'm def not taking any less supplements. ;)

Stay tuned to hear about this whiz bang protocol and when we'll get started.  

Work Woes

I had a last minute consult with another RE on Monday.  I wasn't supposed to meet him for another 3 weeks and he's such a rockstar his wait list is 3 months long.  I jumped at the opportunity.  Then i got a reaming at work for needing to leave early.  NEEDING to leave early, not wanting to.  Here's the deal with work: I work at a hospital near downtown San Diego that used to be a county hospital.  We get all the homeless and traumas and really sick patients.  There is another hospital in the same system in La Jolla that has all the spoiled doctors and makes all the money with their fancy surgery & technology.  HC hospital (the old county hospital where I was *hired* for) has plenty of staff and everyone loves it.  TH hospital (the prison, as I like to call it) is short staffed and has a bunch if travelers for numerous reasons.

  As part of the budget crisis, instead of making people go home when we have a light schedule they've been sending us up to TH to help them staff.  Out of the goodness of my heart, I've been volunteering to go there on my days off.  Monday was one of these days.  A day I could have been at the pool, doing laundry, getting a pedicure... You get the idea.  But no, they needed help and I think hey, extra money would be nice, so I go.  That morning I do the usz "I need to leave at 145" and the charge nurse throws a fit.    2 hours later I get called into the office. 

Now, at HC they have a nice little system where you write your appointments for the week on a calendar and the interim/afternoon staff usually has no problem letting people leave early.  My charge nurse is a superstar at making her staff happy.  Not in prison.  I was told that I'd have to make my appointments for later in the day because they can not plan on letting people leave early, this is their policy.  Sentara all over again...  (My old job I LOOOOAAAATHED(picture the grinch saying it)). I played the 'I'm doing fertility treatments and can't help it' card to which her response was basically: too bad so sad.  Then, to try and relate, i heard her story about I-thought-i-had problems-too-and-when-i-was-about-to-start- clomid-i-got-sick-during-a-marathon-and-turns-out-i-was-pregnant.  Crickets.  I was so pissed and sad and frustrated I didn't know what to say.   I'm supposed to be OFF today, you a-hole. 

 Then I get to go back in the OR where Brahms lullaby is playing and try to stifle back the hot tears.  The day goes on and 1:30rolls around.  I start tapping my feet with impatience as I'm really nervous about this consult.   In the OR it's a requirement to have one RN circulator per room so it's not like I can just leave. 1:44.... 1:47..... No one... 1:52.... I finally call out to the desk and can imagine feet stomping temper tantrum as I ask if someone is coming to get me out? 1:56 someone shows up.  I'm in a huge, complicated case but sorry you're stupid, I don't have time to teach you all about a bilateral re-do hip replacement.  Ugh. 

The bummer part is TH hospital is literally across the street from my RE. HC is 20 minutes away traffic dependent.  Te commute & extra cash would've been nice but sooo not worth the headache!

The positive side to this shit pile is TH doesn't own me, HC does.  I think they forgot that.  I don't need them, they need me.  My superstar charge was über pissed at them when i told her what happened.  They've been calling for my march schedule (yes, I actually let them schedule me in February.  nice, huh?) and I get to tell them that since my appointments are such a problem they can plan on not having me at all.  They can be short staffed all friggin day instead of just for 45 minutes.  Suck it, jackasses!

well that was awkward...

I finally found a yoga studio I like!  I've only been looking for 3 months... its called HaPa- happy parent :). How cute, right?  The offer childcare for when we get to that point and lots of prenatal and pregnant friendly classes.  Its a really great mix plus its close to work and not too far from home. Score on all fronts.

SO.  Since we're coming up on the start of a cycle (post on that coming soon) I decided it would be good to attend said prenatal class since, ya know, I wanna be all friendly to my fertiles.  I walked in and saw about 9 ladies crammed into this room who all look at least 6 months.  Agh.  I suffered through class and had to "stretch to make room for baby" and "spread your knees so baby can breathe." Yeahhhh.... pretty sure its just fat rolls at this point.  Though I love the studio, I won't be going to prenatal class until its like, fa sho positive.

Worst.idea.ever.

It's a new year!

I guess you could say I'm "over the hump."  I had a really great after-Christmas with my family in town for a week followed by a week of no work and quality time with J.  It was a blissful & much needed break!

 Our New Years was pretty lame.  We popped champagne of course and took a little walk to see San Diego by night.  J and I had fully planned on watching the ball drop in NYC and being in bed by 9:05 PST.    Surprise surprise, they didn't show the ball drop live this year!  We had a great time playing acey-deucey and made it to midnight.  There is a Mexican tradition involving 12 grapes at the stroke of midnight so we toasted, slammed our grapes, and made our resolutions.  I came up with probably my most thoughtful New Year resolution to date: to be thankful for everything that I DO have (a loving family, an adoring husband, financial stability, a home, a job, etc etc) and to trust 'the path.'  Things have a way of working out for J and I.  It's weird, and probably partly because we make the best albeit hardest choices. I.e. J's deployment to Iraq 10 days after our gorgeous wedding.  I know in time we will end up in a better happier place and this will all be worth it.  So that's my goal for this year; head down, grinding forward with the faith that we are headed in the right direction and in due time our dreams will be fulfilled.

As far as the head down grinding forward part: I've been working my asssssss off!  Over Christmas I earned a whole paycheck in 4 days.  In January I've worked 2 weekends followed by extra days during the week making time and a half and taken extra call.  Same in Feb.  California has nurses unions and I get paid really well.  It's almost sick.  Though I do work hard - 16 hour shifts, anyone?  The great news is I am on track to pay off our previous IVFs way ahead of schedule and can start banking for future Egg Ops very soon.  Motivation to work hard and save beaucoup bucks is easier when it's to gain something you are dying to have!

Acupuncture has been going super de duper.  Nothing new to report except a beautiful 12 day luteal phase for the past 2 and current cycles.

In my search to find an RE in SoCal I came across a Resolve support group and have gotten some good intel.  I have 2 appointments coming up this week.  One is mostly just so I can say I gave this guy a shot.  Im worried because he is highly recommended by some and trashed as useless by others...makes me nervous.  The other I am super excited about.  A great fertility center in LA just opened a clinic near us that is a halfway decent drive and I have been super sold by their website (is that wrong?).... We had to drive almost as far to get to our last RE in Seattle so what the hell, right?!

Til next time, Happy MLK day, y'all.