A glimmer of (false?) hope

Moonlight is lighting up the inlet out back.  A pair of headlights drive past.  It's pitch black in the house.  I've been up since 3 having to pee.  Only crazy people pee on things on the middle of the night, so i held it.    An alarm sounds signaling 5am.  I race to turn it off and run to POAS.  The timer starts.  I lay back in bed but left the bathroom light on & the door open so my eyes could wake up and adjust to the light.  I can't have sleepy eyes while on the hunt for that elusive second line! 3 minutes pass, but I decide to let it soak 1 more minute.  Time for the verdict.  I went ahead and spent the big bucks on some FRERs.  I tilt the test this way.  I tilt it that way.  I move around to catch the light just right.  WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT!  

"babe, get outta bed and come look at this." 
There's a line.  It's soooo so so faint, but I see it, I SEE it!  J rolls outta bed, rubs his eyes, and comes to look.

"what?  Where?"
"there!"
"I'm half asleep, are you serious?  I see nahthing."
"it's right there!"

He goes back to sleep.  I rip open a fresh FRER to compare.  Nope, no fainter than faint line on a fresh one.  It's GOT to be real!  Cue internal freak out.  Usually the sunlight to help me scrutinize pee-sticks, but it's still dark.  I grab the iPad and try to snap a few pics.  Not enough light and the zoom sucks.  I try inverting the colors on a photo editing program, no luck, too faint.  Gahhhhh, I know I see it!  So I try to go back to sleep.  I have a little moment where I get really excited and think yesssss, it's not over yet, there's a possibility!!  

And then 630 a.m. rolls around.  The test has been sitting there for 1.5 hours, well outside the 10 minute validity readout window.  Yet J takes another look.  He says I was seeing things, he still sees no line.  I examine it again, and I see no second line either.  How can that be?  I could have sworn there was one there earlier!  Maybe I really am going crazy.... Maybe i am seeing lines in my sleep.  Oh em gee...  I've been wanting to pee on another one all day.  

On another note, today has been a pretty great day!
  1) its gone by fast.  Hallelujah.  
2) last night J was really sweet & loving & I didn't have to kill him or cry :)
3) i washed the jeep and scrubbed rims... Was feeling productive.  I even rubbed on the ragtop protector I haven't reapplied since we bought it, uhhh, 15 months ago. ha.
 4) mom&dad sent us flowers!  Big, beautiful, good smelling ones!  :).  <3
5) i got a surprise call from my nurse today!  I got really nervous when caller ID popped up as SRM....   Turns out she was just checking in to see how I was holding up and if I had any questions about anything.  They know it's a long two weeks (understatement of the year!) and wanted to give me some reassurance.  She also reconfirmed that yes, we will get same day results on Sunday.  Between 2-4pm usually.  So that makes it..... 4,324 minutes until we know without a doubt.

With that, I'm off to do whatever it is stay at home wifeys do in the afternoon.  I'm really hoping tomorrow's line is darker so I know I'm not going BONKERS!