New Game Plan

What a week.  I can't believe it has only been a week.  It feels like a lifetime has passed since last Sunday.  A long, horrible lifetime.  

The days have passed glacially slow.  Some mornings I wake up fine and go to bed crying.  Others I wake up sad and the whole day just sucks.  I feel guilty because I have been a super crappy wife.  J went from homemade lunches and over easy eggs n toast every morning to a power bar, a protein shake, a dirty smelly house & doing his own laundry.  We are both in sad shape, and I think part of it is he is sad and doesn't care about the house or food or any of that, either.  I did have a pretty good day Wednesday.  My super awesome sister got me a really nice "I'm sorry you got crappy news" gift and sent me to get a massage and body polish at my nearest Aveda salon.  Best two hours I've had in a long time!  I was treated to the 'stress-fix' package.  There was a minute where I felt like a fool as the poor massage therapist, in trying to find out what my 'ailments' were, brought me to tears.  Ugh.  

After that, J and I decided we needed to get the heck out of the house and had a fab weekend in Vancouver.  We did all the touristy stuff - hit Granville island, took a ferry to English Bay, walked around Yaletown, had dinner in Gastown, saw Canada Place & the Olympic torch.  We even took a horse buggy around Stanley Park & went up two ski lifts to a look out at the top of a wind mill on top of Grouse Mt.  It was incredible!

We got back last night and now the real work begins.  The movers are coming next Wednesday which means I best start packing.  I called my old boss & they made a per diem position in which to hire me back.  Yes, they created a opening for me. I guess if I suck at making babies, at least I can rule at life in the job sector.  Nursing degree, ftw.  I would have had no problem finding a job in San Diego, but I loved working at UCSD.  I like my co workers, they are a great team, and I know my pay will be off the hook.  I'm really looking forward to going back there and glad they are taking me back!  For once, I may work my share of overtime & become a call whore.  First day, September 18.  

Even though Bremerton sucks a big one, I'm not looking forward to leaving.  J and I will be apart until April when his ship will supposedly get back to San Diego.  I say 'supposedly' because The Nav likes to make plans change (see the USS Stennis' schedule the last 15 months.) To boot, we broke our lease and he is going to live on the ship.  Living on the ship is bad enough, but living on the ship while in the yards is equivalent to living in a construction zone.  Oh, and he will have no car....  I can not put into words how horrible J's life will be for the next 8 months.  

Back to WTF.  I met with Dr Kennedy Tuesday.  She is the most empathetic and resourceful doctor I have ever had.  She said everything with our cycle went as predicted and as the stats say they should have.  She wished we would have gotten more than 4 eggs with the 7 follies but that obv couldn't be helped.  She said if we did it again she would do it all exactly the same.  I'm hoping we won't need a "next time" but I suppose it is promising we found a protocol that worked well.  The only thing that ticked me off is she suggested we should move on to DE (donor egg). What?!!!  I'm young, I have good eggs, my labs are all fine, I just don't have the quantity to be as successfull as someone with two good ovaries who can pump out 25 eggs at once. Ugh!  I realize it will take us more tries simply because of quantity and percentages.  Math is math.  One frkn cycle fail is NOT enough to make me want to use a donor.  She said there wasn't a whole lot else we can do to increase our odds otherwise.  I asked her if there was a magic pill we could use in the mean time as we go back to "the normal way" of family building.  Vitamins, drugs, creams, magic dust, voodoo, tell me and I will do it!  I thought a progesterone supplement may help my LPD.  She suggested an HCG injection is the best.  So, I'm going to try that every month to supplement my natural LH surge which in turn helps support the egg and implantation.  The downside?  I have to track ovulation so as to give the injection at the right time.  This time, it's not nearly as time critical as it was with retrieval, but it has to be the same day.  I'm not exactly thrilled about using OPKs again.  I was looking forward to a TTC break.  It's also going to be really hard with me in Cali and Jeff in WA.  Not sure how we are going to work it yet.  I might just have ovidrel sitting in the fridge and if he happens to be around, great.  If not, meh.

Call me crazy, but I am also thinking about trying IUI (intrauterine insemination).  Since my eggs are fine & J's sperms are only mildly lazy, this would seem to be an o.k. (and cheaper!) option, right? Or am I not thinking clearly and being silly?   We skipped it originally because everyone was afraid I would run out of eggs tomorrow and IVF was obviously our best chance for success.  We will not be able to afford IVF again until at least next summer.  At 2% of the cost, I'm thinking IUI would be worth a try.  Realistically, we could try in a few months.  

I plan on hooking up with a new RE as soon as I get to California next week.  I'm hoping I can convince them IUI would be worth a shot.  There is a military treatment facility down at Balboa and I'm also thinking of going there... Since we know what works, all they have to do is prescribe the same protocol again & not f*ck it up.  Hopefully military healthcare can manage that.  

Last week I told myself I wasn't going to worry about life.  I am going to play blind & ignorant and am going to let TTC be for awhile.  This way I can relax and enjoy life a day at a time instead of a cycle at a time.  For some reason, I'm finding this hard to do.  If I know drinking a fancy smoothie and eating a bunch of pineapple core can help my cause for something we want so badly, how can I refuse to try it?  I wish I could go back to CD1.  368 357 days ago, before I knew about temping and OPKs, robitussin and Vitamin B12, preseed and babydust, softcups and suppositories and cervical fluid and trigger shots.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.