The Next Day

Saturday, June 2, was actually a pretty fair day, considering all that happened yesterday. I went to bed with the biggest headache in the world, and despite excedrin migraine, lots of water, and my sleep mask, I still wake up to pounding. I wake up feeling like it must be 10:00.... It's 630. I can't sleep so start my Googling again. I find all sorts of things that worked for other poor responders... Lupron for 3-5 days while on BCP, no suppression before IVF start, estrogen priming, Higher dose of menopur, stimming for more days, Micro dose Lupron flare protocol..... This is all gibberish to me, but the plus side is that there are options!

I am still devastated, but feel like I have to go back to my usual, positive self. It's still hard to walk past my box of drugs or see the follistim sitting where the eggs should be in the fridge. I also have two bright purple quarter sized bruises on my belly, an ugly reminder of what those injections didn't produce. Yesterday was my chance to feel sorry for myself and be upset so today I'm ready to start fixing it. I read that unfortunately, there probably was nothing I could or couldn't do to keep the cycle from failing. J and I talk more about what we are going to do. We both agree everything will work out how it's supposed to... Everything happens for a reason... After all, it has for us up until this point! It's so hard to take the disappointment, but I have to believe it will work out in the end.

I decide I'm going to start temping again starting tomorrow. I want to know if I'm going to ovulate these 2 follicles, or if I'm in for a 50 day cycle like last July when I went off contraception. Then again, maybe J and I will get lucky with one of these follicles! I doubt it, but we have the opportunity for 1 more month of fun.

I am not ready to talk adoption or donor egg. I have eggs, I ovulate on my own, I had an Antral follicle count of 9, my AMH is just above 1(low, but not awful) .... My CD 3 labs were checked on my regular cycles, my FSH was 6, estrogen at 48, which are both well within normal range. We just have to figure out how to get those eggies to grow! Even though my egg supply is tiny, my eggs are still young. Hopefully this is good news for fertilization and implantation.... If we ever get that far.

Oh, we took out the fishing poles. No fish, but we caught some crabs! I haven't fished in a long time, but it is a great way to make time pass faster and very, very relaxing. I can see myself doing it a lot the next few weeks.