The Little Embryo That Could

I started this morning off a little different than usual.  Patient's must have a full bladder prior to transfer to aid in the visualization via ultrasound.  I have a bladder the size of a walnut and was not looking forward to this part of the IVF process.  My alarm went off at 0800 and I proceeded to drink 32 ounces of non-caffeinated, non-carbonated beverage.  (This doesn't sound like a lot, but YOU try it.)  I take a shower, but neither of us can wear anything scented i.e. lotion, perfume, or deodorant.  Just au natural, baby!   We hop in the car at 0915 and I try to find a delicate balance between finishing my 32 ounces and not having to pee every 10 minutes during this 90 minute drive to the surgery center.  We pull into a lovely McDonalds at 10am which is to be my last pee stop before GO time.  This is where it got fun.  I'm already entirely full of water, but must drink 28 more ounces before 1030.  You know how if you drink too much too fast after exercise or when it's really hot and you can feel your stomach sloshing around?  That's what I felt like.  Like my guts were floating.  Traffic in Seattle was horrendous today so we pulled up right at 1045.  I couldn't sit comfortably, so I walked around the waiting room impatient and nervous.  1100 comes around and we are taken back to a darkened exam room.  J has to leave his coffee behind - the smell will disturb the lil embie!  Inside is a fancy stirrup table with a huge ultrasound machine, a window that looks like it belongs at the McD's drive-through, and a small t.v. screen up on the wall.  First, we talk with the embryologist.  She was a super nice lady.  She gives us the schpeel, we sign the consent papers, and she tells us that our little embryo is a beautiful, "good" grade 10 cell!  On day 3 (which is today for me), they like to see embryos at 6-8 cells, so we are above the wicket, YESSSS!!!  She hands us the first picture of our little embryo.  Talk about cool!!  People think the fancy ultrasound pics they post on Facebook are the shiznizzle, wait til they get a load of THIS.  Next, an ultrasound tech comes in to make sure my bladder is full enough for action.  I tell her that I KNOW its full enough but she checks anyways.  Low and behold, its too full. ugh!  I have to try and pee out about 100cc into a paper cup...  Kegels, anyone?  Apparently I must have some adhesions from my other surgeries and these make my uterus rise higher than normal with a full bladder making it tough to see.  Anyways, I figured it out and now she can see perfectly.  Next, Doc comes in and they do another trial transfer.  They make sure the catheter goes in easily, they can see everything they need to see via ultrasound, and that everyone is ready for the handoff.  Then, the tv screen in front of us they switch over from the ultrasound to the camera in the back.  We can literally see the microscope on tv!  They show the label on the dish, the tech and doc check my armband to make sure I'm getting the correct embryo transferred, and then we watch wide-eyed as the embryo gets sucked up into a little tiny catheter.  The embryologist passes it off through the drive-through window to the doc who then puts the catheter into my uterus.  They measure and look and measure again to make sure it's exactly as deep as they want before they deploy the catheter and little embie is inside.  Then they check the catheter to make sure its empty and little embie is, in fact, safe & sound in the ut.  I laid there for my mandatory 15 minute resting period and off we went, back to home!  I gotta tell ya, I am kind of a sciency geek, but seeing this was SO. FRKN. COOL. 

Our transfer couldn't have gone better.  Though we were hoping twins would be in the future, I am super happy with the high quality singleton we have!  I am to be on modified bedrest for 48 hours and then light duty for 2 weeks.  Like I said, I was too scared to POAS before my blood draw, but J talked me into it.  I took one this morning and it is still lightly positive.  We shall see what happens the next few days!  By my calculation, the trigger should be gone by Sunday...  My official quantitative HCG is schedule for Sunday, August 19.  10 days away.  Eeeeeek!

My poor tummy after 68 injections.  This is after the purple has faded a bit.

Before retrieval, feeling nervous!

After Retrieval... I have no recollection of this being taken!

Transfer:  The setup

Transfer: The Drive-Through

Our little 10 cell embryo!

" Grow embie, grow embie, GROW!  "

Quality over quantity, right?

Retrieval went fairly well! Minus being a little sleepy I don't feel any worse than I have the past couple days with cramping & bloating.  I still had 7 follies but 2 were too small to have mature eggs ( we anticipated that).  For whatever reason one of the other big follies was empty so we ended up with 4 eggs retrieved.  Of course I was hoping for more, but I am certainly happy with 4! Everyone continues to tell me quality over quantity is the best chance for success.  Easier to say than actually believe.  Our future family rests on these 4 lil eggs getting fertilized.  I'm trying to suppress my thoughts of "maybe they missed one? Did they drop any on the floor?"  I am focusing on relaxing and trying to find comfort in the fact that the rest of this process is out if my hands.  J and I have done everything possible, now it's up to doctors, embryologists, nurses, and mehbe the man upstairs!

I had a super freaky dream last night.... I dreamt I had a huge baby bump and everyone was shocked because I was so early in pregnancy but I got to break the news that i was huge because I was carrying twins!  I didn't tell J about it.... It seemed irrelevant and unimportant as we woke up at buttcrack a.m.  and scrambled out the door this morning.  Apparently I had the same dream during anesthesia because he said I woke up mumbling to him about the same exact thing! I don't remember telling J about my dream in the surgery center but hopefully this is a good omen!!  I remember walking to the OR, hopping on the table, the oxygen mask and monitors while reciting my mantra ... next thing I know I'm waking up behind the preop curtain.  I asked for my surgical cap off, my socks on, and then sleepily slurred to the nurse to make sure they were going to do ICSI on the eggs!  I can't wait to hear the fertilization report tomorrow.  Since we had only 4, I'm willing to bet the odds are pretty high we will do a 3 day transfer on Wednesday.   

I'm really trying to take one day at a time.... However, I am entranced by the POAS (pee on a stick) phenomenon!  I have consulted my calendar to figure out when I will be able to start testing.  I triggered with 10,000 HCG.  The body metabolizes 1,000 units every 24-28 hours.  Of course some bodies are more or less efficient than this.  According to the rule of thumb, a BFP on Monday Aug 13 could be fo rizzle.  My other option is to take a test every morning until I get a negative showing the trigger is out of my system.  A positive after that would be due to bebe!  At the same time, I'm super scared to test early, as in before a blood quantitative HCG by my RE.... What if all my poas's are negative???   Decisions, decisions.  One day at a time...  Let's get some eggs fertilized first.

2WW, WTF!!

Here's why I'm fretting:

I thought I was over suppressed by OCP and hence would have an anovulatory cycle this go around.

But then I O'd on CD19 which while later than "average" is very normal for me. {CD14 of a 28 day cycle is 'average'... }

Usually, my luteal phase is 4-8 days (except when I was on clomid). I spot continuously after ovulation until AF shows up. I've been spotting since Wednesday and been having cramps like AF. Literally, every time I use the ladies room, I grab a tampon cuz I'm sure she's here! TMI, sorry I know... Today is CD30, I'm 11DPO (a freakin record!), the spotting has subsided this morning.... Still cramps, no AF, and a BFN along with a temp drop this a.m. Technically tomorrow I'll be "late."

Here's my FF so you can stalk http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/38a4f2

WTF is going on!!?! The longer this drags out, the longer it delays our next IVF cycle. Ugh. I want to know one way or another so badly! I Hate WAITING!! Rawr.

The Next Day

Saturday, June 2, was actually a pretty fair day, considering all that happened yesterday. I went to bed with the biggest headache in the world, and despite excedrin migraine, lots of water, and my sleep mask, I still wake up to pounding. I wake up feeling like it must be 10:00.... It's 630. I can't sleep so start my Googling again. I find all sorts of things that worked for other poor responders... Lupron for 3-5 days while on BCP, no suppression before IVF start, estrogen priming, Higher dose of menopur, stimming for more days, Micro dose Lupron flare protocol..... This is all gibberish to me, but the plus side is that there are options!

I am still devastated, but feel like I have to go back to my usual, positive self. It's still hard to walk past my box of drugs or see the follistim sitting where the eggs should be in the fridge. I also have two bright purple quarter sized bruises on my belly, an ugly reminder of what those injections didn't produce. Yesterday was my chance to feel sorry for myself and be upset so today I'm ready to start fixing it. I read that unfortunately, there probably was nothing I could or couldn't do to keep the cycle from failing. J and I talk more about what we are going to do. We both agree everything will work out how it's supposed to... Everything happens for a reason... After all, it has for us up until this point! It's so hard to take the disappointment, but I have to believe it will work out in the end.

I decide I'm going to start temping again starting tomorrow. I want to know if I'm going to ovulate these 2 follicles, or if I'm in for a 50 day cycle like last July when I went off contraception. Then again, maybe J and I will get lucky with one of these follicles! I doubt it, but we have the opportunity for 1 more month of fun.

I am not ready to talk adoption or donor egg. I have eggs, I ovulate on my own, I had an Antral follicle count of 9, my AMH is just above 1(low, but not awful) .... My CD 3 labs were checked on my regular cycles, my FSH was 6, estrogen at 48, which are both well within normal range. We just have to figure out how to get those eggies to grow! Even though my egg supply is tiny, my eggs are still young. Hopefully this is good news for fertilization and implantation.... If we ever get that far.

Oh, we took out the fishing poles. No fish, but we caught some crabs! I haven't fished in a long time, but it is a great way to make time pass faster and very, very relaxing. I can see myself doing it a lot the next few weeks.

Stims Day 5 check-up

May 30: I went this morning for my first ultrasound since I've started the stim injections. Once again, the nurse has a hard time finding my ovary and getting an accurate follicle count. She actually didn't even tell me how many follicles she saw, but typed in the computer 5... I was all prepared with pen & paper in hand to write down measurements, but she said they are all still too small to be measured. This makes me a lil nervous since next week is supposed to be retrieval! I'm very scared, but trying to reassure myself that worrying won't do anything but hurt the process.

The nurses at the office called a few hours later to tell me my estradiol is at 45.5 which is low, but since my follicles are so small they wouldn't expect it to be much higher. I am instructed to keep menopur the same but increase my Follistim from 300IU to 375 for the next two days. Also, instead of going Saturday, they want to see me back Friday for more blood and another u/s. This time they are going to have a physician do my scan to make sure it's as accurate as it can be. I take some deep breathes and remind myself there is no problem; this is why they monitor me so closely, to make sure everything looks fabulous. I am very, very happy that they took the initiative to have a doc do my next scan. As a patient, it makes me feel really good that these medical workers are doing the best they can do to help us get a positive outcome. I'm sure they want good results as much as we do! After all, for the $$ we pay, and to keep their success rate high, they should. ;)

This evening I give J the doc report. He can tell I'm stressing, and between that and the hormones I can't help but bawl. I feel crazy, but he says "granny always said you'd feel better if you just let it out." He's such a great man. I am thankful for him & his mom raising him like she did. Since J will be responsible for giving me the HCG trigger shot in the bum, or money shot as I like to call it, I want him to practice. He is deathly afraid of needles and can barely watch me inject myself; hence why I want him to warm up a lil bit. I draw everything up, give him the overview again and lo & behold, he rocks it out! Didn't even flinch. What a rockstar!

With 5 days of injections under my belt, I'm feeling pretty good. I only have 2 bruises, which I think might be because they were higher on my belly than the other injection sites. I haven't gotten too cranky or overly emotional yet, and besides feeling a little more bloated than usual, I feel mostly normal.