7dp3dt

My boobs feel like they are getting piercings.  I can't readjust on the couch without doing a boob grab and readjusting "the girls" first.  My tummy hurts and my ut is cramping pretty good today.  If it's the progesterone doing this to me, you can bet your lucky stars I won't be taking it again unless absolutely necessary!  Does PIO do this same shit to you?   The suppositories are..... Messy.  I can't say I'd be overjoyed with more needles I'm the ass.  I guess I'll be thankful I don't have walnut sized knots on my cheeks.  But seriously?  No wonder we women are so witchy at the end of the month.  I'm convinced I must have lad low progesterone.  Either that or it's sky high now.  I have never felt so evil in my life.

Oh, and....I lied.

This morning, a big fat sowhiteitwouldglowinthedark negative.  I'm trying not to get too worked up about it.  It's still early, right?  RIGHT?

I have 10 hpts on the back of the John right now.  4 are digi's.  6 are blue dye (sent to me by the pharmacy or bought before I knew better.. Yes I've had them that long.  Sad, eh???).  Not sure if I use the blue dyes knowing they suck, or go buy some FRERs to bring on the disappointment.  I've been using internet cheapies until now.   

I wonder if normal people have this debate, too?  And really, who has a stock of 17 hpts in their house at one time?  Must be an infertile!

5dp3dt

Today's test result: BFN!  Of course.  The good news is this means my trigger is out.  I'm planning on testing again wednesday, 7dp3dt.  Wish me luck!

I'm halfway through Game of Thrones.  This big fat book has been a great distraction.  Now that our cabin is back down to 2 people, I am grateful we had the entertainment of inlaws and teenagers for 3 weeks.  This week has been CRAWLING.

Day 8

Yaaaaaaaaaay! Today's check was fab! I haven't received my E2 results yet but had some big fatty follies growing! Two are a nice 19mm, two are at 17mm, one is at 15mm and two at 13mm. Today before leaving the office we got our instructions for trigger and retrieval. The practitioner said it looks promising for trigger tonite or tomorrow! We will know this afternoon after Dr K makes the decision and when nurse Katie calls. This would put retrieval at either Sunday or Monday. Yikes!


This part of the process is why we pay the $big bucks$.  To be successful it is imperative they follow a strict timeline.  If the follicles aren't big enough or mature enough and are aspirated early, they might not contain mature eggs and/or the eggs won't fertilize properly.  If they wait too long, I will ovulate all these eggs on my own and we lose the chance to retrieve them.  I've had heard they want follicles between 16-20mm for the best chance to find nice, juicy ripe eggs.  The other balancing act is the HCG trigger shot (aka "money shot").  The HCG acts as the LH surge in a natural cycle and puts the follicles through their final maturation process.  Without HCG (or LH) the follicles and eggs they contain are useless and won't fertilize.  The trigger MUST be given precisely 36 hours before retrieval.

Why do I say yikes! when I refer to retrieval?  It is a complicated and delicate process.  First, it involves me undergoing anesthesia.  Though I could administer it to myself thanks to my CNOR certification, it scares me to be the receiver and not the giver.  Second, I will be up in stirrups with coot for all to see.  Third, in order to get those lovely eggs, via ultrasound guidance they stick a giant needle through the vaginal wall to aspirate the follicles.  This might also involve pushing/pulling my already bloated tummy or a hole through the uterus if they can't get them via vag.  Oh by the way, please don't put a hole in my ureters or bowel, thanks!  Finally, I work in the operating room, I KNOW what goes on....  Sometimes it's fun.  Most times it's good, but when it's bad, it's b.a.d.  The reassuring angle is I know what to expect and really, this is a fairly minor (though nerve-wracking) procedure.  I also plan on wearing my own cute scrub hat instead of the ugly, itchy blue bouffant most patients are subjected to.   After retrieval, I'm hopped up on propofol (the Michael Jackson drug) and Vicodin and the rest of the work is up to the embryologist and his gang of pros.  They do some fancy work that involves isolation, incubation, and fertilization.  Most times they just mix up sperm and eggs in a dish and they fertilize.  Because of J's lazy ass sperms we will be doing ICSI or intracytoplasmic sperm injection.  After he gives it up in a cup, they'll pick out the bestest looking ones "going for gold" and inject one single sperm into each egg via a seriously tiny needle.  Like microscopic.  The next day we find out how many actually fertilized-  usually 80% do.  This is where they turn from eggs to embryos.  Then, we wait!  After fertilization, they start to divide.  Some will arrest after fertilization due to chromosome issues and whatnot.  The transfer (when embryo goes from petri dish to warm, comfy ut) takes places either 3 or 5 days after retrieval.  5 days is preferred as this is the point when the embryos have reached blastocyst stage.  A 3 day transfer is still o.k. And sometimes is done if waiting until day 5 has no advantage; say if you only had 1 or 2 embryos to transfer anyhow.  If more embryos than what we will transfer are still viable and growing at day 6, they can be cryopreserved or made into embie-cubes!  Even if we have eggs that fertilize and embryos that make it to blastocyst stage, our chances of making it to implantation and a screaming kid 36 weeks later are 65%.  In the IVF world, this is actually pretty darn good.
So, as you can see we have only managed to jump one of several hurdles.  I've made it past what i think is our biggest one, egg growing!  As J said, you can't make it past the other hurdles until you make it over the first one.  Man, he's awfully philosophical at 9am.  We are hoping and praying and crossing all possible appendages that retrieval, fertilization, blastocyst, and implantation will leave us with the biggest, fattest, BFP there ever was!!!




UPDATE: Retrieval will be Sunday at 0830!  E2 was 2603 today.  Wowza!  Once again J rocked out the money shot.  We ended up triggering with 10,000 units which means it'll take me ~10 days to flush it out of my system... Delays my POAS accuracy a lil more but i'm prepared.  I believe I have 10 pregnancy tests along with like 12 strips to pee on.  I'm going to be a POAS freak!  


Since trigger is done, NO MORE NEEDLES!!  Hallelujah!  

IVF #2, Day 7

Hit up the doc again this morning, only this time the fam waited at Target instead of the REs waiting room. I would have loved to see the reactions of everyone seeing a 69yr old couple at a fertility clinic!  While I haven't gotten my E2 (blood estrogen) results yet, I am absolutely ecstatic about my follie count and size today! I should have my E2 this afternoon.  I had a few follies under 10mm that weren't measured, but also had two 16mm, three 15mm, and two 13mm.  A total of seven nice ones. SEVEN!  I just about cried right there on the table, feet in stirrups with my coot hanging out. I had to calm J down a lil bit and remind him we still have to make it through retrieval, have follies fertilize and then implant which means a long road to go but it's looking good. The nurse practitioner doing my ultrasound said she's not sure what I did the past two days but to keep doing it cuz its working! That means plenty of ice cream and couch time. :)  I had a headache all Tuesday night and yesterday and so spent the day yesterday at home by myself chillin while the fam visited Seattle for the day. A day to grow some eggies was apparently what the doctor ordered. Getting dressed this morning I came across my starfish necklace (the one I wore at our wedding) and figured I'd start wearing it. Momma said to "wish upon a starfish" so that I am!

I am so relieved! We will be going back tomorrow at 0800 for another ultrasound. What a great frkn day!

UPDATE: Nurse Katie called, estrogen is at 1723 today. Holy cow! She was really happy with my ultrasound and said how great it is that I'm responding so well this time. There is a good possibility I may be ready for the HCG trigger shot tomorrow night which would make retrieval Sunday morning. Yikes. I will be really glad to be done with all these injections but am scared for the anesthesia part of retrieval. 2 needles a day for 10 days followed by 5 needles a day for 7 days has done a number on my belly! Though I don't have near the size of bruises as last cycle, there are a number of bright purple and green areas. It's real cute. Tomorrow is a big day, wish us luck!

I am The Luckiest

Today marks a very special day, our 4 year anniversary! I never thought it possible to love, laugh, enjoy, and have so much damn fun with one person. I definitely consider myself the luckiest to have such a great man to call my partner :).

Quick IVF update, my suppression check went fab! No cysts, ut lining looking good, yay yay yay! I started microdose Lupron injections (10u units) Wednesday and take that twice a day. Tomorrow I'll keep doing Lupron and add 450 units Follistim and 75 units menopur which comes out to 4 injections a day. Yikes. I'm going to be a big, fat, purple pincushion! I'll have my first blood draw and ultrasound Tuesday (Day 5) to check progress. Game time is here, and I'm getting very nervous!

Round 2, "DING!"

In gearing up for the fam to arrive and craziness fixing to start, I figured now would be a good time for an update! I have been taking my estrogen pills and ganirelix injections. No complaints there. I had a real fear I wouldn't get to take either because of my nonexistent LP but here we are, 10 DPO and going strong! Right on track with the calendar; a huge, HUGE reassurance. I have a few minor bruises but nothing compared to what I'm sure is coming with 450iu of Follistim. I learned a little trick to ice my belly before injecting to dull the pain a tad, works great! I'm not near as hesitant to stick my fat (otherwise I'd stand there with my "inch" pinched for 30 seconds and have a 1, 2, 3 attitude). It is hard to stick yourself when you know the poke is coming. My suppression check should be early next week and if all is well, stims will begin by late next week! I am super excited for this time around. I am still very scared IVF might not work again, but so many positive things have happened and are happening, I just can't help but be positive.

For instance:
- it was a little more than 7 months ago I met with Dr Z when he told me to check into IVF stat. He said with a little luck we'd be holding baby M by next May. At the time I though, "May?!? Ef that, I want it in 10 months! now!". And wouldn'tcha know it, EDD with this cycle will be right around April 30.

- We were also hoping to get lucky on our Maui vacay, our last ditch TTC effort before spending the big bucks! Our hotel concierge was very excited for a Maui Baby and let us know it. Of course it is just coincidence, but where we're we April 30th this year? You guessed it! While not quite a "Maui baby," still pretty cool.


The eggs have def been getting lots of love and I'm am all but convinced that makes a difference. With all my yoga, imagery, and mantra-ing, my chakra has got to be centered by now! I've also been a baby book and article reading ho! Yesterday I took "What to Expect When You're Expecting" to read for entertainment while the oil was being changed in the jeep. ;) A few months ago I was too afraid to read any pregnancy or baby related articles as I didn't want to 'get ahead of myself.' I thought the disappointment would be worse if I was all prepared to not eat sushi and had the crib already picked out. Unfortunately I found out disappointment really sucks whether I was educated or not. With the power of positive influence on my brain, I have to say I have really enjoyed eyeballing maternity fashion and getting smart about all things baby. Even J has taken a stroll or two through the baby section in the store checking out the goods... Awwww. I started using green cleaners and making a lot of my own. I started lifting light weights(affectionately known as my "granny weights"), ya know, cuz babies and carriers and diaper bags are heavy! We've also started eating a bunch more veggies and *pout* less cheese. I've all but given up wine and even J has put down the beers for now. We've taken proactive, super healthy and smart steps to make Round 2 as successful as we can stand it to be. I'm feeling good. J's feeling good. Hopefully those eggies are feeling great!

We have exactly 47 hours until the house occupancy is tripled. Today I think I'm going to watch the birds, watch the squirrels mess with the birds & my bird feeders, and enjoy the silence. It's going to be a long, exciting, emotionally charged three weeks!

Oh the things we'll do!

I just got home, and even though I iced my bum before and after, it still hurts! Let me explain:

Last cycle I got a BFN! Are we surprised? I've just been sitting around the past 2 weeks waiting. Dr. K decided LEAP was the way to go and so I've been monitoring for ovulation with OPKs. On Friday I talked to Nurse Katie and she informed me they wanted to see me Monday (today) for an ultrasound just to check everything out. (Thank goodness I'm not working, or I'd def be getting fired for all these appointments!) She had mentioned sometimes they trigger ovulation with an injection of HCG, but I didn't think that was likely for me since I have an LH surge and ovulate on my own. Negative OPKs all weekend (I wasn't expecting a +until Wednesday anyhow).

Today the ultrasound is performed by the same doc I saw when I was cancelled. Ut lining is looking good and he sees 5 follicles measuring on track. I'm on my way out with instructions to keep using OPKs and I'll hear from Dr K and Nurse Katie this afternoon. I do a little happy dance for those 5 follies. :) 1pm rolls around and I get a surprise phone call "hey M, we want you to trigger tonite, will that be a problem?" I say no, but then realize I forgot J is CDO today. CDO is Command Duty Officer on the ship or HMFIC He is in charge of everything that goes wrong for the next 24 hours and can't leave the ship. Try as I might, I realize there is no way I can give myself The Money Shot. I frantically call a local friend who has done this, but she is out of town until tomorrow.. oh what to do! I email J... "uhhh, babe, will you have a couple minutes this evening to shoot me in the bum?" "yes, but we'll have to do it in the car." Really, in the car?? Gotta do whatcha gotta do, eh? I gather my supplies in a ziploc baggie and wedge an ice pack between my butt and the car seat on the way to see him. Driving through the gate to get on base, I feel like a criminal with my needles sweating for my next drug fix. Its 6pm, still very light out, and there are far more people walking around than I anticipated. We get some very odd looks as I mix and draw up the medication in the drivers seat. Instead of baring my behind for all of the shipyard and coworkers to see, I decide to reverse it 200 yards and park between a bunch of parked gov't vehicles and a dumpster. I hand over the syringe and hop out so J can eyeball where he is supposed to dart this thing in. I hop back in the car, crank the seat back and the steering wheel up for maximum access. For a guy who is squeamish with needles he sure knows how to stick a girl. As I'm pulling my drawers back up, the loudest loud speaker you've ever heard crackles announcing a fire drill. I steal a quick kiss and watch as J runs back to the ship hoping to not get caught outside! Talk about an adventure. I still can't believe I got a shot in the car, much less at J's work.... our baby book is going to have some amusing memories!

We don't have an "official" calendar yet for IVF #2 but it'll go a little something like this: Although today is Cycle Day 14, we are renaming it Day 0. On Day 8 I will start estrace(estrogen) pills. Day 9 I start a ganirelix injection. Do those until menses shows up. Start Follistim & Menopur CD3 until ? Trigger, +36 hours retrieval, +5 days transfer, +14 days HCG blood draw. The first and second weeks of August are going to be bery, bery busy.

As a side note, we found out we are officially moving back to San Diego! J's next job is going to start in July and will be for 3 years. According to the guy who does this job currently, he will be teaching leadership at a center for professional development and it will be cake. We are so excited! We were really worried how everything would play out and hoping we wouldn't have to move twice more before next summer... just once: from WA to Cali with the boat! A huge weight has been lifted. Everything is lining up perfectly for this April/May delivery! I think these next lil follies will feel a little more prone to grow knowing they won't be as stressed with moving and will be in SoCal for 36 months ;)

In Limbo

It is looking like our wait for the next IVF round will be shorter vice longer, yippee! Miraculously, I ovulated last Thursday. See those beautiful crosshairs? I was crossing all possible digits hoping this would be the case. However, the confusing part is that this destroys my theory that the stim injections failed because I was over suppressed by OCP. If I was over suppressed, I most likely would be going through an anovulatory cycle now. So now I am left to wonder, "why the heck didn't I grow a bunch of big, fat, eggs?" This makes me really nervous for the possibility of failing again with round #2. :/ I am stumped. Hopefully my RE will not be.

If all goes according to the plan that we didn't strike it lucky on our own this month, it looks like I'll be starting injections around 12 July... And hopefully not Friday the 13th! The good news is our EDD would be the beginning of April. After the ship moves back to San Diego, before it leaves for 30 days in May, with plenty of time to spare before we PCS to God knows where in July. J is thrilled and already less stressed. The bad news is this means we'll be in the middle of craziness and drugs & needles and appointments every 3 days and a very grouchy, irritated, hormonally charged ME with no wine allowed just in time for his two sons and my inlaws to visit for 3 (yes, three!) weeks. It's going to be a circus! You gotta laugh.

The only thing we can do now is wait. Wait for my pal Mary, or wait for a BFP (yeah, right, but one can hope!)


P.s. I haven't heard anything further regarding my subpoena. I haven't gotten it in the mail, I haven't been contacted by the DA, and the detective hasn't returned my call from last week. I've decided to let it go in hopes they forget about me or decide to fry bigger fish!