its a Big Fat ....

POSITIVE!!!!!

I am freaking out!  We agreed that Thursday would be a nice compromise because I was 9dp5dt or =14DPO.  Both J and I were up all night Wednesday night thinking about it.   I almost tested at 1am just to get it over with.  I had the slightest pink/orange tinge to CM Wednesday and cramps all night.  Both of these symptoms had me worried to death we had another BFN coming.  With such bad cramps I thought for SURE I was going to wake up to AF.  Surprise!  :D

I did a blue dye & internet cheapie at the same time...I let them marinate for the required 3 minutes plus 1 more for luck.  I was too nervous to go look so i made J get out of bed to peek with me.  When those 2 were showing lines I did the digi for good measure.  OMGGGGG, we finally got our  BFP!  We're finally pregnant!!!!!!

Test day I was 9dp5dt (or =14dpo).   I think I'm still in shock!!!

So the beta was yesterday, Saturday.  My RE was looking for a number over 100.  For my own sanity, I was hoping for over 200.  It was a whopping 446!   WOOOO HOOOOO~!!~!!  Our first u/s is scheduled for 4 June.  I'm still nervous but a little more relieved today. :)

Wanna hear something really frkn cool?  Based on transfer day, our estimated due date is February 4, which is also my grandma's 90th birthday.  Way rad!!!

6dp5dt

Transfer went super duper fab!!!  We thawed 1 (yes, just one) AA rated hatching blast.  Dr Rockstar has so much faith in this lil embie that he wouldn't let us transfer two.  God please let him be right.  Ugh!! 

I was able to sneak into my yoga class before transfer which was nice.  Ya know, to help blood flow n shit.  I ended up being SUPER early and even though I brought a snack I was too nervous to eat.   I chatted with Dr R's PA, who is always super nice, and one of the nurses.  I've never been to a doc office where the staff is so personable & friendly!! Love them <3.  I was still sad J couldn't be there but was feeling good about everything.  So first they had me meet with the embryologist to confirm what we were transferring and what else was left in the deep freeze.  They brought me back about 15 minutes late but I shit you not, as soon as I sat down with Dr Lisa GUESS WHO CALLED!!!  J from the ship out at sea :). He got to be on speaker phone to hear the whole thing.  (We joke about having ESP but this was purely ridic. Haha).    So the lil guy (or gal) thawed at 0930 and was already nice & plump by 1150.  (They shrivel the embryos a little before freezing to help the cells survive.)  I actually had to change into a gown with booties & hat, they didn't have me do that up at SRM....  Acupuncture lady did her thing and I did my meditation.  40 mins later, thankfully my bladder was full enough before I felt like peeing on myself.  Since the lab is down a few doors, they wheeled our lil guy in in a for real incubator!  It was so cute.  Not only were we worried about scents (like perfume) but we weren't allowed to talk but in a whisper and they had it completely dark except for a tiny spot light you know where. Dr R did his business, they loaded it up right there in the incubator under the microscope and that was that!  They used embryo glue and also some kind of special cleansing stuff to help with implantation. 

I survived bed rest with flying colors :). Been taking it easy since then so as not to push my luck. Plus my bum is a damn pin cushion.  It feels like a for real sore muscle that's partially numb & bruised.  Last night I rolled over and hit it just right so that I yelped cuz it felt like I had just laid on a tack. Ouch.

Today I am 6dp5dt. Beta is scheduled for Saturday. Eeeep!  I haven't peed on any hpt's..... yet.  The problem is I work Friday thru Monday and need a refill of PIO by Friday night and patches by Sunday.... I'm thinking of testing on Thursday so as to give me time to refill prescriptions *OR* a day of crying my eyes out before I have to function in public. I'll be 9dp5dt on Thursday (equivalent to 14dpo).  Saturday they are looking for a beta over 100. Technically speaking, if hcg doubles every 48 hours it would theoretically be at 50 on Thursday.  Most hpt's pick up 25 of hcg.  My point is, Thursday is like Goldilocks....
Not too early, not too late but juuuuust right enough to be accurate. So far I have no symptoms that can't be blamed on either the estrogen patches, progesterone, or indigestion. Trying not to read in to stuff & stay focused + relaxed. 

Say your prayers for us......

Photo caption: our embisicle!  You can see the ICM (inner cell mass) at the bottom, the gray outline is what becomes placenta, and the "drip" is where its hatching!! :)

P.s.

Game of the day: count how many times I used parenthesis in this post!! 

25.25 hours and counting!

I worked this weekend and hit the store a few times to make sure I'm set for 48 hours of bed rest following transfer.  Signed up for a free week of Hulu+  (which I am now hooked on), downloaded some ukulele tabs to learn, and found my spot in the Game of Thrones book.  Somehow I woke up this morning and flipped.  The house is a disaster, I should do laundry, omg what about this + that + the other.  Shit that hasn't bugged me in 2 weeks is suddenly a problem. If this is what nesting is like, I'm screwed!  I called in to work hoping like hell they won't need me today. 

I caved and did my injection on the left last night. My right hip was much too lumpy & sore.  I had a weird tingly/ burning sensation afterward making me think I frost bit or burned my behind.  Great.  I also noticed that as I'm pushing in the thick oil I tend to yoink the syringe so that its not straight anymore.... I'm sure my tush appreciated a needle being drug around inside the muscle.  I'll focus better tonite lil (er, big) butt, i promise!  Someday I'll get the hang of this stupid IM crap.

PIO aftermath

Ohhhh my god my ass hurts!!!  Worse right now than when there was a 1.5" needle in me.  I had to sleep on my left side because there is a huge knot on the right from last nights PIO.  I must not have massaged & heated it enough.  I also think my target (my nurse drew circles for me to aim at) is too low..  Wowwie.  I'm trying not to limp and hit the hottub this morning hoping it'll help. 

I'm DEF sticking to the same side tonight.  Otherwise I won't be able to sit or lay At All! 

I'm Chuck Norris!

I did EVERYTHING in my power to reschedule transfer.... Monday cancellation... later in the day Tuesday so Lori could come.... Thursday so both Lori & J can be there.... nada!  Ugh!  I made it through the day at work without breaking down about it.  All I know is I tried.  I did my best.  Tuesday must be meant to be.  Now I have to deal with life & the joys of being a navy wife!  Big girl panties are on.  Time to focus on the ute.

*~i did my very first PIO (progesterone in oil) injection tonite!~*  I iced my hip for probably 30 minutes to get er nice & numb.  It really wasn't all that bad!  I did it lying down cuz I've heard its less painful than standing.  Huh.  Even though I had gauze on it afterward I still bled on my heat pack :(  I think the frozen has worn off because now I'm a little sore & can already feel a knot forming.  I'm trying to decide if tomorrow I'll do the same side so I only have 1 bum hip or if I'll rotate to give each side a break....

I searched interest for pio suggestions & came across this hilarious blog. The post is "ode to the PIO shot" and she speaks only the truth!  Hahaha.  According to her, I am the Chuck Norris of infertility for 2 reasons:  I do my own PIO (so far.... though not by choice), and I have to use a 22G needle (ouch!).  Oh, and I inject 2cc, not just one. 
My poor ass!

Now that I think about it, i bet Chuck would own this transfer business....

Feeling abandoned...

Yesterday's u/s was superb! Lining is at 8.6 and trilaminar, yippee.  We wanted to transfer 2 embryos since we have 4 in the freezer & that would leave things nice and even and with another future FET.  Dr Rockstar basically said no.  We have one blast that is, for all intents & purposes, perfect.  Its AA, full blast & already starting to hatch.  Even with previous failed ivf, he feels confident that this lil embisicle will be IT. 

The soonest transfer day could be Monday.  They are booked so I was scheduled on Tuesday.  Monday would have been perfect work wise.  I've been tore up about the fact that J will be gone for transfer but awesome friends have volunteered to come with me and my acupuncturist offered to give me a ride.  So nice!  :). The shitty part is said friends work Tuesday.  Acupuncture lady is booked Tuesday.  I would have to have a stranger poke me with needles in weird places with my pants off.  I would be at this all important transfer all by myself.  Alone.  Abandoned by everyone who has guided & comforted me through this process. 

So today, I had a giant pity party. 

I spent the morning stifling back tears and finally got out of bed in time for acupuncture at 11.  Then I cried on the table explaining about my crappy morning and the realization that no one would be there with me.  Lori helped reassure me that I am not just high on estrogen and am legitimately freaking out about being alone. Being comfortable & stress free is a big part of transfer success.  I decided it would be a brilliant idea to push transfer back by 2 days when both her and J can be there.  The perfect transfer situation for the 'perfect' embryo.  [And then the angels sang.]

Not 2 minutes after I leave, I get an email... "I might be home Friday or Monday says the captain!". What the.  Halkelujah!  Awesome, let me change transfer to Monday!  No cancellations, office still booked Monday. Then 3 hours later, "just kidding, the admiral said no way Jose", keep your happy asses floating.  Ugh!  Drama drama drama.  At this point, Dr Rockstars office is closed for the day.  I'm hoping with all my might they have Thursday open and it won't be a big deal to change transfer date again and wait 2 more days.  Please, please, please!  The nurses are so gonna hate me.... I think I've called every day this week bugging them about something or other.

So anyways.  Pity party is over.  On one hand I feel like I should quit being a whiny toddler and not mess with the process.  On the other, I dont think my experience will be near the same (and dare I say enjoyable?) without my support system.  Uuuuggghhhhh!

Here's hoping to Thursday!! 

FET day 10

I had my day 10 checkup on Tuesday. Lining was at 8.1, which is nice! Dr Rockstar said "it was close" and he wanted to give it another week. I was confused because the nurse said 8 was what they look for, acupuncturist said 10 is better. Oh fine.

Another reason to wait? The bleeding I did during and after the surprise saline sonohistogram. .... Yeahhhhh. I had one 2 months ago prior to cycle start and everything checked out. Apparently Dr R saw some 'shadows' on the ultrasound that were worrisome. The high levels of estrogen I'm taking can make polyps or other scary things grow & pop up. Cue increased heart rate. He did the SHG right then & there. OUCH! I'll say he was more 'thorough' this time which involved curling of my toes and wincing for.... 5 minutes. I imagine this is partially what labor feels like. Holy crap. Everything still looked fine so I guess the shadows were ghosts or gas bubbles or something else weird. At first I thought I should have asked him to do a hysteroscopy to be sure (where they literally stick a camera in to look, but also involves anesthesia and probably a cancelled cycle.) I consulted with my cookies gals who reassured me that Dr R is VERY conservative and thorough and if he thought he needed it, he would have done it. Whatever. I've stopped second guessing.

So another week.... Ugh! J went out to sea Thursday morning. He comes back in exactly 2 weeks. Then goes back out to sea in June for 10 days followed by a week long inspection where he can't leave early followed by a week of turnover with his relief. I was hoping transfer would be this week because he'd be back for beta day and the 6 week ultrasound (if there is one) would be before his next batch of craziness. Since transfer will/should/better be Monday the 13th, he'll be home for beta day but probably not u/s day. WTFFFFFF. Why it's a big deal: we may hear the heartbeat for the first time. We'll find out if its one or two .... or three babies. Hahaha jk. But two, maybe.

Oh yeah, and now I'm up to 5 patches. According to package directions, I have to have a week break between patch location sites. Sorry Vivelle, the area of my tummy under my belly button is only so big! Where the f can I put these things? Im also covered in a nice layer of sticky and fuzz. Injections sucked, but so do these darn patches.

I'm gearing up to do my own PIO in the bum. Ice, lay down, shoot, heat & massage. Am I missing any other good tips? I've been working in my twisting in yoga, but am still trying to figure out how i will get a 1.5" needle straight in...