Trying to Stay Positive

Flash back to last week.  J and I had a whirlwind weekend.  Wednesday I start a new liquid herb to help support my luteal phase.  My temps are super high and by Saturday I am cramping like crazy.  On Monday, AF is still absent??!?  I know better than to get toooo hopeful but think to myself "if i'm not, I need to got to the doc because something is seriously wrong with my guts!"  I didn't want to test early as I wanted J around to see/hear the news firsthand so I wait.  I fly up to Bremerton Thursday morning for the weekend.  We found out Saturday (well actually friday after a BFN) that indeed, we are just not that lucky.

In keeping with my half-glass-full mentality we are doing our best to see the good in all this.  After 14 months of negative after negative, that's getting a tad difficult.  But alas, there is always something positive to take away, no?  It is apparent to me that acupuncture/herbs is working its magic.  I told myself this month was a win no matter what because *DRUM ROLL* the only time I spotted was the day before AF.  Miraculous!  TMI alert: it was still brown and nasty, and day 1 was pretty gross & terrible too but this.is.HUGE.   My LP in total made it past 10 days.  Miraculous!  My temps were in the "normal" range instead of too cold.  The only time these things have happened otherwise is with drugs i.e. clomid or IVF when my body was hopped up on hormones.  There are many who gave me weird looks when I said I was trying eastern medicine.  When the proof is on paper, there isn't much you can deny.  I'm not silly and agree maybe its just a huge coincidence.  We'll find out in 26 days if coincidence strikes twice.
 See for yourself:   My Chart      

The other reason my bubble is a little burst?  Dr. UCSD called me back after his discussion with his colleagues.  Our conversation was hopeful but realistic.  He mentioned to me POF - premature ovarian failure- and early menopause which I have known for a long time was a possibility.  He said he is up for trying some stimmed IUIs.  We can't really do that until J is home permanently in April.  I asked him if there was anything we could do in the mean time to help our odds (ya know, progesterone, Ovidrel... anything, man, give me drugs!) And I shit you not, his exact words were: "those types of things will indeed prolong your luteal phase.  Since it seems your issue stems from poor follicular growth even if we used them it'd be like beating the same old, dead horse."  I almost died.  Alas, I agree he is right but those were some harsh words!  Sheesh.

In August after WTF#2, I was not prepared nor ready to hear about donor egg.  I felt like (and still do) that we have time on our side.  However I know our success decreases as each month passes.  Hearing what I did from Dr UCSD was a shock.  But a good one.  Kind of like when you shock a heart in asystole to get it beating again.  J and I had a short discussion about DE and what we are up for and open to.  I think I'm getting off that river, DeNile, and letting reality set in.  The challenge now is to decide if that's really the right thing for us and our future.