It is looking like our wait for the next IVF round will be shorter vice longer, yippee! Miraculously, I ovulated last Thursday. See those beautiful crosshairs? I was crossing all possible digits hoping this would be the case. However, the confusing part is that this destroys my theory that the stim injections failed because I was over suppressed by OCP. If I was over suppressed, I most likely would be going through an anovulatory cycle now. So now I am left to wonder, "why the heck didn't I grow a bunch of big, fat, eggs?" This makes me really nervous for the possibility of failing again with round #2. :/ I am stumped. Hopefully my RE will not be.
If all goes according to the plan that we didn't strike it lucky on our own this month, it looks like I'll be starting injections around 12 July... And hopefully not Friday the 13th! The good news is our EDD would be the beginning of April. After the ship moves back to San Diego, before it leaves for 30 days in May, with plenty of time to spare before we PCS to God knows where in July. J is thrilled and already less stressed. The bad news is this means we'll be in the middle of craziness and drugs & needles and appointments every 3 days and a very grouchy, irritated, hormonally charged ME with no wine allowed just in time for his two sons and my inlaws to visit for 3 (yes, three!) weeks. It's going to be a circus! You gotta laugh.
The only thing we can do now is wait. Wait for my pal Mary, or wait for a BFP (yeah, right, but one can hope!)
P.s. I haven't heard anything further regarding my subpoena. I haven't gotten it in the mail, I haven't been contacted by the DA, and the detective hasn't returned my call from last week. I've decided to let it go in hopes they forget about me or decide to fry bigger fish!
Showing posts with label no response to stims. Show all posts
Showing posts with label no response to stims. Show all posts
20 June, 2012
03 June, 2012
Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Reason #1 Friday, June 1 was awful: I'm an operating room nurse in Level I trauma centers. As such, we often deal with trauma in the OR, including gunshots. I got a call from a detective across the country where I used to work informing me that I was involved with a homicide victim. Because I was the one who sealed the bullet in the envelope before it was handed over to authorities, they want to fly me out the end of this month to testify and he is sending my subpoena ASAP. With all I've got going on medically, I wanted to slap this detective through the phone line. Added undue stress = not good.
Why Friday, June 1 was terrible, horrible, no good, and very, very, very bad:
8:40 AM, I had my Day 7 ultrasound and blood work. Performed by a very educated and professional physician. He saw 2 follicles, both measuring less than 10mm. My uterine lining measured 3.3mm. What all this means, he tells me? Its not looking good. My body is basically sleeping, I am not responding to the stimulation injections. He is going to consult with my usual RE but most likely my IVF cycle is going to be cancelled because I am far from producing what they expect/ed. My appointment for tomorrow's scan is cancelled. After they get my bloodwork back, I can expect a call from the nurse later today instructing me as to my next step. I leave the office and almost make it to the elevator before bursting into tears. I sit in my jeep thankful for the travel pack of Kleenex in my glovebox. I can't call J, he's about to give a big speech in 30 minutes and I want him to rock it out, not be distracted. I think about calling my mom, but all I'd do is blubber on the phone. After 20 minutes I decide I'd better just get home and pick up J.
In the parking lot on base I have 30 minutes before J is done with his speech & ceremony. So much is running through my brain. "Why?... I won't be pregnant next week.... I knew this was going to happen.... What do we do next?... I know I have eggs, where'd they go?...". I research acupuncture on my phone and make an appointment for Monday at a local place. I research "poor responders to IVF" and "over suppression with oral contraceptives before IVF.". J hops in the car, asks how it went, and I don't get one word out, just tears. I give him the rundown. We're both silent. I decide I still want to get my military ID renewed today (it's a pain, and since he's done with work, we might as well.) I get a nice picture of myself with puffy eyes on an ID card I have to carry around for the next 4 years. Perfect.
We run to Fred Meyer to get a few groceries and things for the weekend. I see a lady rocking her newborn in the furniture section and run to sporting goods before I make a scene. J is an avid fisherman so we get what he calls "the basics." I thought that was a pole, a bobber, and a worm, but I am wrong. I decide to get a pink UglyStik, a good choice, he says. Shopping is a nice distraction. J is in his whites so a very nice gentlemen buys our coffees and he gets a lot of gratitude about his service.
We get home, and between the hormones I've been injecting and the heartbreak, I am a waterfall of emotion. I make lunch, but can't eat. After an hour, J sets me up a chair and book down by the water. He spends the afternoon hauling buckets of rocks and shell to make our trail to the water safe. I read, but am attached to my phone, waiting for my nurse to call. At 3:00, my phone rings. It's my doctor, not a nurse... Ruh roh. She says my estrogen actually went down. At this point in the game, it should be between 150 - 500. Mine is less than 40. I am to stop all injections and meds except my vitamin. Basically now it's a waiting game for my menses to come spontaneously before we can do anything else. She says she is surprised because I was on one of their strongest protocols, but says we have options. We make an appointment for June 11 to discuss what our next step will be. J and I build a fire, open some wine, and I proceed to cry the entire rest of the day. At 9:15, 12+ hours later, I finally run out of tears to cry.
Why Friday, June 1 was terrible, horrible, no good, and very, very, very bad:
8:40 AM, I had my Day 7 ultrasound and blood work. Performed by a very educated and professional physician. He saw 2 follicles, both measuring less than 10mm. My uterine lining measured 3.3mm. What all this means, he tells me? Its not looking good. My body is basically sleeping, I am not responding to the stimulation injections. He is going to consult with my usual RE but most likely my IVF cycle is going to be cancelled because I am far from producing what they expect/ed. My appointment for tomorrow's scan is cancelled. After they get my bloodwork back, I can expect a call from the nurse later today instructing me as to my next step. I leave the office and almost make it to the elevator before bursting into tears. I sit in my jeep thankful for the travel pack of Kleenex in my glovebox. I can't call J, he's about to give a big speech in 30 minutes and I want him to rock it out, not be distracted. I think about calling my mom, but all I'd do is blubber on the phone. After 20 minutes I decide I'd better just get home and pick up J.
In the parking lot on base I have 30 minutes before J is done with his speech & ceremony. So much is running through my brain. "Why?... I won't be pregnant next week.... I knew this was going to happen.... What do we do next?... I know I have eggs, where'd they go?...". I research acupuncture on my phone and make an appointment for Monday at a local place. I research "poor responders to IVF" and "over suppression with oral contraceptives before IVF.". J hops in the car, asks how it went, and I don't get one word out, just tears. I give him the rundown. We're both silent. I decide I still want to get my military ID renewed today (it's a pain, and since he's done with work, we might as well.) I get a nice picture of myself with puffy eyes on an ID card I have to carry around for the next 4 years. Perfect.
We run to Fred Meyer to get a few groceries and things for the weekend. I see a lady rocking her newborn in the furniture section and run to sporting goods before I make a scene. J is an avid fisherman so we get what he calls "the basics." I thought that was a pole, a bobber, and a worm, but I am wrong. I decide to get a pink UglyStik, a good choice, he says. Shopping is a nice distraction. J is in his whites so a very nice gentlemen buys our coffees and he gets a lot of gratitude about his service.
We get home, and between the hormones I've been injecting and the heartbreak, I am a waterfall of emotion. I make lunch, but can't eat. After an hour, J sets me up a chair and book down by the water. He spends the afternoon hauling buckets of rocks and shell to make our trail to the water safe. I read, but am attached to my phone, waiting for my nurse to call. At 3:00, my phone rings. It's my doctor, not a nurse... Ruh roh. She says my estrogen actually went down. At this point in the game, it should be between 150 - 500. Mine is less than 40. I am to stop all injections and meds except my vitamin. Basically now it's a waiting game for my menses to come spontaneously before we can do anything else. She says she is surprised because I was on one of their strongest protocols, but says we have options. We make an appointment for June 11 to discuss what our next step will be. J and I build a fire, open some wine, and I proceed to cry the entire rest of the day. At 9:15, 12+ hours later, I finally run out of tears to cry.
30 May, 2012
4/20, a big day! And a summary to catch up to 5/28 :)
April 20 I took my first birth control pill. This means we are no longer TTC and are officially on the road to IVF. Woot woot! It is strange to be on BCP because it seems backwards from the goal... The contraceptive suppress your body's system and lets all the antral follicles get on the same "schedule." Antral follicles are what grow up to become the eggs that are ovulated each month. We start off with a fairly large number of follicles (say 4-12), and the one that responds the best to hormones is the one that matures and is ovulated, the rest die. In IVF, the goal is to mature and capture ALL the antral follicles.
Some people call them "test tube" or "Petrie dish" babies. The woman takes injections of hormones to grow eggs. The eggs are retrieved surgically and mixed with sperms in a Petrie dish. After 3-5 days of incubation, fertilized eggs, now embryos are put into the uterus. If you aren't familiar with IVF and want a rundown, here ya go.
April 24: I went in for my Antral follicle count ultrasound (u/s) and trial transfer. The nurse counted 9 little follicles! I am super ecstatic. Supposedly 6 or more gives you a pretty good success rate. The more you have, the more they can retrieve, fertilize, grow, and transfer back as little embryos. I was SO afraid I was going to have like... One. When she said 9, I just about cried tears of joy! The trial transfer was a little tricky and uncomfortable, but overall not too bad.
May 8: The day of truth. Our consent visit. J and I ask any last minute questions. We are described again in detail the process, then we sign away our lives and the future lives of our embryos. The great part about this visit: we got our calendar!! It tells us when to start stim injections, our tentative retrieval and transfer dates, and most important, the date of the HCG blood draw to tell if I'm pregnant or not. Holy crackers!!! IM SO EXCITED!
May 11: The shipment of drugs arrived. Wowza, I'm surprised at it all! Until I figure out how to get iPad pics on here, you're outta luck.. But in this case, the picture really does speak 1,000 words.... Or maybe 3,800 words. Hahaha. I am also pleasantly surprised to find out I don't have to do progesterone in oil injections, I get suppositories instead. This means I'm a pin cushion for only 2-3 weeks and not 12-13. Yippee!
May 21-23: We were in Virginia for the weekend and get stuck an extra two days. Two €€*%#&$ days at an "international" airport... UUURRRRGGGHHH I am beyond irritated. I cry in the airport; not because J is missing work or because I have no luggage, but because my suppression check is supposed to be Tuesday and I'm scared this shit is going to mess up my cycle. I also find out my nurse no longer works with SRM so now I don't know who to call. I end up rescheduling my suppression check twice and settle on Thursday morning. The head of nursing is managing my care now and reassures me that as long as everything looks o.k., we'll still be good start stims on Saturday. Hallelujah.
May 24: Suppression check. My uterine lining is measuring a perfect 4.1mm ( they like to see less than 5mm). The nurse practitioner doing the u/s has a hard time finding my ovary so calls in a doc to help her out. After a little digging and a extra hand to push it down, they count 7 antral follicles. While less than I was hoping for, I'm still happy with 7. After all, all it takes is 1! They also do a short pre-op questionnaire since I will be under anesthesia for egg retrieval. I get the official go ahead to start stims in 2 days. Before leaving, I write the biggest check I've ever written and leave feeling pretty good and in disbelief that it's starting!
May 26: Ready, set, inject!! I'm so nervous but excited the day is finally here! J isn't at home (he's CDO on the ship) so I was a little sad he missed this epic moment, but since he hates needles he wasn't exactly disappointed to miss the occasion. Lol. I was so nervous to do it and felt really silly. I re-read the info sheets for the thousandth time, and triple checked the meds and dosage. Guess that's the nurse in me :). If I were at work giving these drugs to someone else, it'd probably take me 5 minutes or less. I was so nervous to get it right, I managed to drag it out for 25. Sheesh. I have two injections, follistim and menopur. Follistim is easy and comes in a little pen device. Menopur I have to mix and unfortunately it burnsss! Nevertheless, we are one day closer, and I am freaking out! It's so weird to think in could be preg in 2 weeks!!~~!!
May 28: J and I had to drive all the way to Seattle to get my blood drawn this morning. My usual office in Tacoma is closed for the holiday. 3 hours in the car for less than 10 minutes at the office. I'm not complaining, it's worth it! I think J feels a little guilty having to watch me poke myself for these injections. He was feeling like absolute poo this morning but wanted to show his dedication to me and the process and came anyways. Poor kid was barfing the whole way there. Guess he really does love me and wants this as bad as I do ! :) :). The nurses called a few hours later to tell me everything looks good and to keep doing what I'm doing. Roger.
Some people call them "test tube" or "Petrie dish" babies. The woman takes injections of hormones to grow eggs. The eggs are retrieved surgically and mixed with sperms in a Petrie dish. After 3-5 days of incubation, fertilized eggs, now embryos are put into the uterus. If you aren't familiar with IVF and want a rundown, here ya go.
April 24: I went in for my Antral follicle count ultrasound (u/s) and trial transfer. The nurse counted 9 little follicles! I am super ecstatic. Supposedly 6 or more gives you a pretty good success rate. The more you have, the more they can retrieve, fertilize, grow, and transfer back as little embryos. I was SO afraid I was going to have like... One. When she said 9, I just about cried tears of joy! The trial transfer was a little tricky and uncomfortable, but overall not too bad.
May 8: The day of truth. Our consent visit. J and I ask any last minute questions. We are described again in detail the process, then we sign away our lives and the future lives of our embryos. The great part about this visit: we got our calendar!! It tells us when to start stim injections, our tentative retrieval and transfer dates, and most important, the date of the HCG blood draw to tell if I'm pregnant or not. Holy crackers!!! IM SO EXCITED!
May 11: The shipment of drugs arrived. Wowza, I'm surprised at it all! Until I figure out how to get iPad pics on here, you're outta luck.. But in this case, the picture really does speak 1,000 words.... Or maybe 3,800 words. Hahaha. I am also pleasantly surprised to find out I don't have to do progesterone in oil injections, I get suppositories instead. This means I'm a pin cushion for only 2-3 weeks and not 12-13. Yippee!
May 24: Suppression check. My uterine lining is measuring a perfect 4.1mm ( they like to see less than 5mm). The nurse practitioner doing the u/s has a hard time finding my ovary so calls in a doc to help her out. After a little digging and a extra hand to push it down, they count 7 antral follicles. While less than I was hoping for, I'm still happy with 7. After all, all it takes is 1! They also do a short pre-op questionnaire since I will be under anesthesia for egg retrieval. I get the official go ahead to start stims in 2 days. Before leaving, I write the biggest check I've ever written and leave feeling pretty good and in disbelief that it's starting!
May 26: Ready, set, inject!! I'm so nervous but excited the day is finally here! J isn't at home (he's CDO on the ship) so I was a little sad he missed this epic moment, but since he hates needles he wasn't exactly disappointed to miss the occasion. Lol. I was so nervous to do it and felt really silly. I re-read the info sheets for the thousandth time, and triple checked the meds and dosage. Guess that's the nurse in me :). If I were at work giving these drugs to someone else, it'd probably take me 5 minutes or less. I was so nervous to get it right, I managed to drag it out for 25. Sheesh. I have two injections, follistim and menopur. Follistim is easy and comes in a little pen device. Menopur I have to mix and unfortunately it burnsss! Nevertheless, we are one day closer, and I am freaking out! It's so weird to think in could be preg in 2 weeks!!~~!!
May 28: J and I had to drive all the way to Seattle to get my blood drawn this morning. My usual office in Tacoma is closed for the holiday. 3 hours in the car for less than 10 minutes at the office. I'm not complaining, it's worth it! I think J feels a little guilty having to watch me poke myself for these injections. He was feeling like absolute poo this morning but wanted to show his dedication to me and the process and came anyways. Poor kid was barfing the whole way there. Guess he really does love me and wants this as bad as I do ! :) :). The nurses called a few hours later to tell me everything looks good and to keep doing what I'm doing. Roger.
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